


Late for the Love of my Life

by gotitgood



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: AU, Bisexual Character(s), F/F, F/M, High School, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Illness, Pansexual Character, Parallel Universes, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Swearing, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:29:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 30,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9089527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotitgood/pseuds/gotitgood
Summary: In a parallel universe the curtains are yellow, Isak hooked up with Chris in first year, and Noora and William never broke up.In a parallel universe Isak's snapback is still red, Even is still bipolar, and Eva and Jonas still broke up.





	1. Chris

Chris knew how people thought it worked; he picked up girls because he was lying to himself and one day he would meet a boy who would change everything. He would come out and go to pride and live happily even after. That, however, was not his life. Sure, he fucked a lot of girls and the occasional boy, but that didn’t mean he was gay. He knew that’s how everyone would see it. So, he didn’t tell anyone, because he loved girls. He loved their softness and their curves. The way they straddled him and leaned over to kiss him, their tits pressed against his chest. He loved how it felt when he held the back of their head, fingers clutching long hair as he kissed their strawberry flavoured lips. He also loved boys; the way they could hold him down or lift him up. The way it felt to have a hard chest against his. His hand curled into short hair when his dick was in their mouth. Chris didn’t mind getting his mouth stained with lipstick or his stomach with cum, as long as whoever it was doing it was getting him off.

His plan to tell no one about his bisexuality did not exactly pan out because, of course, William found out. It was an accident really; he was fucking some guy whose name he can’t remember now, when William called him. In a blissful moment of sexual stupidity, Chris moved his hand from the nameless boy’s hip to his mouth and told him to shut the fuck up for a minute. Then he picked up the phone and gave a breathless _Hello_. William figured out he was having sex almost immediately and didn’t believe him when Chris denied it. The next day when they were eating lunch at school William asked question after question. He wouldn’t normally, because Chris fucked a lot of girls and he never kept them around long. But he was always very forthcoming about his sexual conquests. So, William, out of curiosity and a simple need to be a shit disturber, pressed on, “Come on Chris, at least tell me her name.”

“I don’t remember!”

“Fine.” William conceded, but did not let him off that easily. “What did she look like?” Normally, William wanted to pull his own hair out when Chris insisted on bragging about how hot the girls he fucked were, and if he heard one more description about the perfect pair of tits (which was different every time Chris slept with a new girl) he might burst an eardrum. But Chris was being uncharacteristically quiet about his latest sexual partner and William was going to find out why.

“Ugh” Chris threw his head back as if William’s question were the most inconvenient thing he had ever experienced. “She was a brunette, okay?”

“A brunette?”

“Yes, Will. A brunette is a person with brown hair.” Chris replied jokingly hoping to steer William away from his never-ending questions about this particular act of sin.

“Fuck off, I know. But you normally give me detailed descriptions of tits and ass and anything else you like about the girl, whether I want to hear it or not.”

Chris looked away from William thinking about the nameless boy’s ass and his abs and the curve of his neck that Chris has sucked a dark mark into. “Yeah, her tits were fine.”

 

***

For all William’s questions, he had not found out that day. It wasn’t until about three weeks later when he had just scored some good weed that he didn’t want to smoke alone, that Chris’s secret became known to his best friend. William showed up at Chris’s house and the door was answered by a rather dishevelled Chris, who smelled a bit like sex.

“Oh shit, do you have a girl here?” William asked.

“I… what? No. I mean… maybe. Why are you here?” Chris stumbled over his words in a most unChris-like fashion, tipping William off that something weird was going on.

“Ohhhh, is it the mystery girl that you wouldn’t tell me about?”

“What? Mystery Girl? What mystery… oh. No… sort of. Wait no. There is no mystery girl. Why don’t you just come back later?”

“No, no. I think I’d like to stay for a bit. Maybe find out what’s got your tongue tied like that.” And with that, William pushed past Chris and made his was up to Chris’s bedroom. However, he did not find the mystery girl he expected, but a mostly naked boy looking for the other half of his clothing that had probably been torn off in a tornado of teenage hormones.

After the boy had found his clothes and left, Chris took the weed William had brought and rolled a joint, knowing William was going to have a few questions he would rather not answer sober.

 

***

 

Nothing really changed after William found out. Chris still had no desire to tell anyone he was bisexual, but now William had to listen to descriptions of the perfect dick as well as the perfect tits. It became a bit more bearable when William started seeing Noora, because when he wasn’t with her, all he wanted to do was talk about her.

“Yes, William, I know” Chris sighed. “Noora is smart and witty and beautiful, and she’s the love of your life and you never want to fuck anyone else and you are basically a boring old married couple. But I would like to remind you that we still have the Yakuza to deal with and we need to fuck them up.”  
Williams eyebrows creased at Chris’s statement. “Do we have to ‘fuck them up’ though? We could just leave it?”

“Leave it? So, what? Next time they come looking for a fight you’re just going to ‘leave it’? Man, Noora has really made you soft.”

William looked at Chris with an annoyed expression. “Of course I’m not just going to let them fuck us up. I’m just saying that we don’t need to go looking. They’ll coming looking eventually and we can beat their asses then. I just don’t want to go looking for trouble.”

So, of course, Chris went looking for trouble, and that is how he met Isak.


	2. Isak

Isak was not in love with his best friend. He was not in love with him the same way his mother was not sick. The same way he doesn’t hold back tears when his parents fighting gets to be too much. He doesn’t think about him at night when he lays in bed, and he doesn’t get a hollow ache in his chest when Jonas smiles at Eva and kisses her in front of all their friends.

Isak’s not sure when it started; when he started looking at Jonas differently. When he went from not caring who Jonas hooked up with to wanting to throw something every time he kissed Ingrid. Maybe he had always felt like that and only realised it once Jonas had a girlfriend who hung out with them.

Right now, watching Jonas and Eva dance and make out in the living room of some party, Isak tries to make himself feel nothing. It was just two of his friends having a good time, nothing for him to be upset about. It didn’t matter how many times he tried to deny it or hide it from himself, it was getting too hard. Seeing Jonas with Eva was getting to be too much. So, he downed the rest of his beer and headed to the kitchen for another drink. 

Magnus and Madhi were in the kitchen when he got there. Both leaning against the counter discussing a redhead the Magnus was very much interested in hooking up with. “Just go talk to her. What’s the worst that could happen?” Madhi questioned Magnus, who gave him a weary look.

“Um, I don’t know, she could laugh in my face!”

“Dude,” Isak cut in. “If that’s the worst thing that could happen then you gotta go talk to her. She’s never going to say yes if you don’t ask.” She wouldn’t hate him and stop being his friend and tell everyone he was gay—Isak stopped his train of thought abruptly. He couldn’t keep thinking like that.

“Yeah man, just go for it.” Madhi encouraged.  
Magnus took a large breath in and puffed out his checks as he exhaled. “Okay.” He jumped from foot to foot, psyching himself up. “I’m going to do it!” With that he marched out of the kitchen and out of sight.

“Nice one.” Madhi laughed. “Want to go watch him embarrass himself?”

Isak chuckled as he grabbed a beer from the fridge and cracked it opened. “Obviously.” To their surprise however, Magnus and the redhead had joined Jonas and Eva on the dance floor, and although they weren’t kissing; there was a lot of touching going on. 

“Damn, maybe we don’t give him enough credit.” Madhi said.

“Nah, I bet she just has weird tasted in guys.” Isak considered.

“Probably.”

Isak and Madhi continued to chat on the sidelines of the party while Isak skimmed the room for a girl to hook up with. It was too easy; he made eye contact with a blond and raised his eyebrow with a smirk. She responded by biting her lip as she looked away and then back at Isak to see if he was still looking. “Welp, it was nice talking to you Madhi.” Isak said as he slapped his friend on the back.

“Found yourself a girl?”

“Yep, you want me to see if she’s got a friend?” Isak answered with a cheeky grin.

“Nah man, you have fun.” Madhi said as he waved Isak away.

He didn’t. Have fun that is. Within ten minutes of introducing himself to the blond, she and Isak were on the landing, making out. A private enough setting not to breed suspicion, but public enough that it wouldn’t go past kissing. He wondered when he had started consciously thinking about things like this. How to hook up with a girl without really hooking up. Why couldn’t he just be normal?

***

When Isak thought about it, he had no shot at normal. His mother was a nut job and his father a workaholic, and these days maybe an alcoholic too. His sister was normal enough, but there must not have been enough of it to go around. With his insomnia that he refused to see a therapist about, and his current sexuality crisis, Isak was sure he didn’t get any of the normal in this family.

Isak laid in bed and willed his thoughts to quiet. He tried not to think about his family or the blond girl from the party that he should have been ecstatic to be allowed to touch. He turned onto his side and looked at the clock: 4:00am. He had been home for over two hours and he was wide awake. Isak might as well give up on sleep now. It was going to be a long night, alone with his thoughts.

***

It was Friday afternoon and Isak was walking through the courtyard at school when he heard his name being called. He turned to see Jonas jogging to catch up with him. “Hey.” Jonas greeted.

“Hi, where’s Eva?” Isak asked and immediately cursed himself for only asking out of jealousy, not an actual concern or curiosity at her whereabouts.

“She went to Noora’s place; they’re going to pre-game there and meet us at the party.”

“Right…the party.” Isak said slowly. “That’s tonight.”

“Yes, please don’t bail on me again! Last time Madhi didn’t go either and every time Eva went off with her friends I was stuck with Magnus trying to pick up girls. That is too hard to watch alone.” Jonas complained. 

“No worries, I’ll be there. I just forgot about it.” Isak responded half truthfully. He hadn’t completely forgotten about it, but part of him didn’t want to go. He had been having trouble sleeping again, and laying in his bed instead of pretending to enjoy hooking up with girls at some party sounded like the better option. However, he didn’t want to let on that anything was wrong. His friends would want to know why he wasn’t sleeping and how could he tell them that his mother was crazy and he wanted to kiss his best friend. Jonas knew about his mother, but Isak still didn’t like talking about it. He also didn’t want to have to explain his family to the other guys. It was all too much, too real. So, Isak changed the subject and him and Jonas chatted about meaningless topics until they separated on their walk home.

When he got home his mother was sitting at the kitchen table with her back to Isak. “Hi, Mamma.” He greeted, not expecting her to respond. She had been quite recently, a result of a new medication Isak guessed. He hated to admit it, but it was a nice change from the usual shouting both his parent so often resorted to. 

His mother did respond, to Isak’s surprise, and the words made him stop in his tracks. “They’re coming.” She said in a frightened near whisper.

“What?” Was all Isak could think to respond.

“They’re coming. We have to be ready.” This time she said it with a surer voice, as if whatever was coming was inevitable. Isak walked around the table, where she was sitting, and found his mother clutching the largest knife they owned in both hands, eyes wide and flicking around the room. “You have to hide; they’re coming for the sinners.”

Isak swallowed and took a step toward her. “Who’s coming, Mamma?”

She flinched at Isak’s words and pointed the knife at him. “Don’t come any closer!”

Isak raised his hands and took another step forward. “Mamma, it’s just me, Isak. It’s okay.”

She looked at him, then shut her eyes. Isak could see her squeeze the knife even harder, her knuckles turning white. Then her eye’s shot opened and she looked at him, then quickly around the rest of the room. “They’re coming! They’re coming! My Baby, you must hide. They’ll get you just like they got her!” 

Isak could feel her fear. Whoever ‘they’ were may not have been real, but his mother’s fear was. “Mamma, we should hide together, okay?” he took another step toward her.

She looked at him, eyes still wide, and he saw the fear slip away just a little. She nodded her head once, then again, and Isak took that as his sign that it was okay to kneel right beside her. He put his hand over hers, and slowly pulled the knife out of her grip. “Let’s go to your bedroom. We can hide there.”

She looked at him, slightly dazed, and nodded again. Isak lead his mother to her room and tucked her into bed, then lay down beside her. Soon she had her eyes closed and Isak thought she would be asleep soon. “They’ll come for the sinners and we will all be sorry.” She whispered before her breathing got heavy and Isak quietly slipped out of the room.

***

Isak had been pacing the living room for forty-five minutes. He had rubbed countless tears from his eyes and was cursing his father for not texting him back. His phone buzzed on the coffee table and Isak practically ran across the room to answer it, only to see it was from Jonas.

Isak started typing out ten different replies before giving up and calling Jonas, because how do you text someone that your mother had a mental breakdown and for a second you were scared she was going to stab you.

The call stopped ringing. “Hey man, what’s up? Your fingers break and you can’t text anymore?” Jonas joked. Isak took a shaky breath in and let it out, still at a loss for words. “Is everything okay?” Jonas asked in a soft tone. He was good at that; picking up on other people’s emotions. Knowing when Isak needed to talk or be distracted.

“It’s my mom.” Isak started, no knowing what else to say.

“Shit, what happened?”

“I don’t know. She freaked out. She was yelling and she had a knife and Pappa’s not responding to my texts and I got her to sleep but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what happened.” Isak can feel the tears stinging his eyes and his voice was a pitch higher than normal. 

“Do you want me to come over?”

“No. Pappa should be home soon. You should go to that party.” Isak didn’t want anyone around. He wanted his father to come home and take over; tell him it was going to be fine, tell him what to do.

“Okay, but you’ll text me if you change your mind? Or if you need anything?” Jonas said almost hopefully, because he was a good friend and he wanted to be supportive.

“Yeah, bye.”

***

Isak’s father did not come home for another nine hours. It was 1:00am when he wandered into the living room smelling of alcohol, where Isak was sitting with his knees pulled into his chest. “Where were you?” Isak asked quietly.

“I was at work. Why aren’t you in bed?” His father replied.

Isak looked up from the floor and at his father. “Because Mamma freaked out and you would know that if you weren’t off getting drunk and bothered to read my texts!”

“Where is she? Is she alright?” 

“She’s fine! She’s asleep!” His father’s shoulders visibly relaxed at Isak’s answers. “But what about me, Pappa! Do you even care if I’m alright! You’re never here! We never see you anymore! You’re supposed to take care of her!”

“Oh Isak, of course I care, but you’re so good with her. You always know how to calm her down.”

“I can’t believe you.” Isak muttered angrily and he stormed out of the room, slamming the door to his bedroom. He couldn’t deal with his father right now. Not after his afternoon with is mother. He wished again for the thousandth time that they could just be normal.

***

I was a surprise when Isak’s father left. It wasn’t a surprise that he didn’t take Isak with him.

***

It got bad in the months following Isak’s parent’s separation. He tried to be there for his mother but It was more than Isak could handle on his own. He was sixteen for God’s sake. So, he called his father and convinced him to hire a live-in care giver. It wasn’t hard to pursued him; Isak knew his still loved her, it was himself that Isak sometimes doubted his father had any love for. 

Even with the carer, things were still bad at home. On top of all his family problems, Isak still had to worry that everyone might figure out that he was gay. His father would never come back if he knew. He mother would throw a fit. So, he started dating Sara. She was nice, and his mother had met her a few times before so he knew she liked her, not that he brought her to his house often. 

Isak was simply trying to keep up appearances at this point. He kissed the pretty girl in public, showed up to the big parties, but he couldn’t always force himself to go. It was one of those Friday nights that Isak had opted to stay home when the Yakuza boys crashed the party he was meant to be at, and Jonas got a pretty bad beat down. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t been there to help his friend. His friend who was always there for him, who he had feelings for that he shouldn’t have. Now he had even more to feel guilty about in regards to Jonas. So, when the third-year boy that Eva had hooked up with last semester approached Isak about giving the Yakuza what they deserved, Isak was all ears.


	3. Eva

Eva wishes she could say she saw it coming. In the beginning, she thought her and Jonas would last a long time, maybe forever. However, once she hooked up with Chris, she wasn’t so sure anymore. She saw that coming. It was her decision, in the end, to break up with Jonas, but Isak; she never could have guessed it would go down like that. 

Eva knew if her and Jonas broke up she wouldn’t see Isak as much, but they were friends in their own right, without Jonas. She had played it over in her mind, how he had told her he had feelings for her, but it still seemed odd. She couldn’t imagine why he would lie about that, or why else he would have done what he did. She felt tricked and betrayed, like he had just been playing her the whole time they were friends. 

Now, she was standing by herself, looking up at a Christmas tree, in a crowd full of people. Eva was grateful that she had found a good group of friends, because otherwise she would be truly alone now. This thought crossed her mind just as Noora walked up to her. “You remember how you said it was weird that Isak said he had feelings for you?” Noora began and proceeded to show her Isak’s internet tabs. Why he didn’t close those before he left the house is another mystery that may never be solved, but the rest of it was all falling into place. 

Of course, it had been Jonas and not her. How had she not guessed that? As soon as the question crossed her mind Eva answered it for herself. Isak hooked up with girls, he wore snapbacks and plaid, and got high with the boys. She wondered how much of it was an act. How much was Isak hiding about himself to make people think he liked girls, and only girls?

Eva didn’t dwell on these questions. They were much easier to dismiss than the ones she’d had about Isak having feelings for her. Even if there was nothing she could do to change what had happened, and maybe no way to fix her friendship with Isak other than to give it time, at least it made sense now why it happened. 

***

After the Christmas break, Eva began to see Chris everywhere. Or maybe she just saw him at school but she noticed it much more than before. He would almost always wink at her, or spout some flirtatious line involving the two of them and a bed. It didn’t help that Noora had somehow gotten herself involved with his best friend, of all people. Eva continuously told herself that she didn’t find him attractive and she wanted nothing to do with him. Her restraint for a few months seemed to be all it took, because soon enough Chris was paying less and less attention to her in when they passed each other in the halls. That was a good thing, she told herself; Chris was a player and a cheater. There was no good to come from getting involved with someone like that.


	4. Chris

Chris needed to find a way to fuck up those Yakuza bastards. However, as much as he wanted to be the lone mastermind of a great plan to fuck them over, he could not think of anything. I didn’t help that every time he saw Eva and was about to go flirt with her (because she was cute and flirting with her put him in a better mood for some reason), she was always with Jonas. This annoyance turned out to be helpful in the end because he remembered the Jonas had been at the party that the Yakuza boys had ambushed. If he went to any of the penetrators for help, William would surely find out and try to stop him, but Jonas had no reason to talk to William. The only problem was that Jonas hated his guts, and to be honest, Chris did not particularly like Jonas either. 

Chris had to figure out a way to get Jonas to help with his Yakuza issue without actually having Jonas help him… or talk to him, preferably. So, Chris started to casually be in the same area as Jonas at school as often as he could, in a completely not stalker-ish way. He was just making a plan to get revenge; totally not a creepy stalker. With such close proximity to Jonas came relatively close proximity to Eva as well. Chris didn’t see them together as often anymore, but they existed in similar social circles, and interacting with her, even in the smallest ways, still made his day a bit better.  
Chris’s not-stalking did lead him to one very helpful conclusion other than the fact that he needed to get laid because he was finding Eva more and more attractive every time he saw her and that just was not going to happen. He noticed that Jonas was almost always with a blond kid whose name, he found out, was Isak Valterson. The more he noticed Isak, it became clear that Isak probably had feelings for Jonas. He didn’t do anything obvious to lead Chris to believe that, but people’s faces become unguarded when they think no one is looking. The looks Isak gives his best friend, when he thinks it’s safe to let his guard down, tell all. 

The fact that Isak probably wanted to be more than just Jonas’s friend gave Chris the idea that maybe he would want to help get back at the assholes who beat the shit out of him. So, when he saw Isak sitting alone (for once) on a picnic table bench with his back against the table, Chris decided to go for it. He strode up to Isak and plopped down on the bench beside him. “Hello.” He greeted in a cheery tone. 

Isak looked up from his phone, one eyebrow raised in confusion. “Hello.” He replied in a slow voice. 

“I’m Chris.”

“Yeah, I know.” Isak said, still confused.

“Well aren’t you going to introduce yourself too?” Chris said playfully, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Isak… Why are you talking to me?” Isak voice still held that obvious confusion, not falling for Chris attempts to start a conversation.

“Well you just get right to the point. I like that.” Isak was still looking at him with furrowed brows, so Chris continued. “Why don’t I just get right to it then.” He said, and placed his arm on the table, resting his cheek on his fist. “I want you to help me figure out a way to take down those Yakuza bitches that crashed the Penetrator’s party.”

“Why would I do that?” Isak answered, less confused now.

“Well, if I remember correctly, they beat your friend, Jonas, pretty badly and he would probably love an opportunity to get back at them.”

“So, why don’t you ask him for help?” Isak questioned.

“I don’t know of you were around last semester for a little thing where I hooked up with his girlfriend, now he hates my guts?”

“Okay, why don’t I just see if Jonas wants to get back at them himself, without you involved?”  
“Because I have more recourses at my disposal.” Chris answered. Isak gave him an unconvinced look. Chris noticed it was almost time for class, so he had to wrap this up without Isak shutting him down. “Look, let’s not make any hasty decisions right now. How about we exchange phone numbers and if you change your mind, you can text me?”

Isak looked at him skeptically for another few seconds. Then he agreed; he must have decided that there was no harm in exchanging numbers. Isak could not have been more wrong.

*** 

 

As much as Chris wanted to he didn’t text Isak the next day, or the day after that, or even the day after that. He figured he should give it some time, let Isak come to a decision, at least partially, on his own. It didn’t matter that Chris hadn’t texted him in the end, because the two boys ran into each other at a party that Friday. Chris had drunk more than a few beers at this point, so when he saw Isak he greeted him with a hug. “Hey, soon to be partner in crime!” Chris yelled in Isak’s ear while he still had his arms around him. Isak, Chris noticed, had gone completely rigid in Chris’s embrace. Chris took a half step back but kept his hands on the younger boy’s shoulders. “Not a hugger. Noted. So! Have you thought about my offer?”

“Uh, yeah.” Isak replied hesitantly. 

When he didn’t continue, Chris raised his eyebrows and said, “Well? Have you come the obvious conclusion yet that you are definitely going to help me?”

Isak laughed at that and Chris smiled wider. He could have sworn this boy was an actual stoic, straight out of a roman tragedy. Chris got a light feeling in his chest knowing that he was the one who had brought that smile to Isak’s face. “Yeah,” Isak said at last. “I guess I’ll help you.”

“Ehhh!” Chris yelled. “That deserves a round of shots!” 

Before Isak could protest, Chris had poured six shots of tequila, three for each of them. Isak was not going to say no to free liquor and therefore the two of them got exponentially more drunk than they already were in a matter of minutes. They somehow ended up laying on the hardwood floor of the upstairs hallway 25 minutes later. However, to them it seemed like two hours had gone by and they were at the ‘Bonding with a practical stranger’ stage of their drunken haze. “Dude, she’s just so cute. Like, I can’t not flirt with her.” Chris slurred.

“But she’s obviously not into you. She actually said that once. Those exact words, ‘I’m obviously not into Chris, he’s an asshole.” Isak rebutted.

“Did she actually call be an asshole?”

“Probably!” Isak said a little too loud. “Or maybe she said douchbag?”

“Come on, you hook up with girls at like every party I’ve ever seen you at. There hasn’t been one single girl that you just can’t help but flirt with whenever you see her.” Chris questioned.

“Nope. Besides, I have a girlfriend now. So, I don’t have to flirt with girls who aren’t into me.

“Right, that girl who used to be Eva’s best friend.” Chris said slowly, not quite sure if he was thinking of the right girl.

“Man, you are so hung up on Eva!”

“I am not. She’s just cute, okay!”

Chris and Isak heard the thump of someone walking up the stairs and both propped themselves up on their elbows to see who it was. Jonas appeared at the top of the stairs. “Hey man, I’ve been looking for you, we’re heading out.” He said to Isak. Then looking between Isak and Chris, said “Why are you hanging out with this dickhead?”

Isak had started to get up and head toward his friend. “Free liquor.” He replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Chris would have been offended if it hadn’t reaffirmed that he had made a good choice in recruiting Isak for his cause. Someone who could lie that easily would definitely be an asset, and if he got the same light feeling from talking to Isak as he did with Eva, well, no one had to know.

***  
Chris texted Isak the next morning. 

Chris: Hung over?

Isak: I hate you

Chris: Tequila hangovers are the worst. Eat a banana… or three. It will help.

Isak: We don’t have any bananas

Chris: Then come over to my place. You can eat lots of bananas and bring down those yakuza fucks. Win win.

Isak arrived at Chris’s house 20 minutes later. Chris kept his promise and provided Isak with three bananas, as well as a bottle of Gatorade and some Advil. “Okay,” Isak started once they had decided to start plotting. “what do you know about the Yakuza?”

“They’re a bunch of dicks.” Chris replied.

“No, really?”

“I don’t know. They’re a russ group. Their leader is Thomas Van Something. They hate our guts.” Chris answered, not knowing what Isak was getting at.

Isak sighed. “Do you have a computer I can use?” Chris went to his room and took his computer off the desk. He handed it to Isak when he returned to the living room. Isak opened it and Chris sat down beside him so he could see what he was doing. Isak logged into Facebook and searched ‘Thomas Van’. “What’s the rest of his last name?”

“Um, I think it starts with A. Maybe A-L?”

“Alst?”

“That sounds right.” 

“Is that him?” Isak said, turning the screen to face Chris.

“Yeah, That’s him.”

“Oh look,” Isak said in a fake cheery voice. “An open group named Yakuza Boy’s. Now we know who all of them are.”

The boys spend the rest of the afternoon gathering information about the boys. Trying to find anything that could help them. There wasn’t much to be found other than the fact that they would not know if the Yakuza were planning to crash a Penetrator party. Chris and Isak ended up spending most of the afternoon hanging out under the gauze of scheming against the Yakuza.

***

Chris and Isak started meeting regularly. They would both say it was to plot, but sometimes Chris just got bored and Isak was fun to hang out with. He would never admit to anyone, even Isak, that he not only liked hanging out, but also flirting with him. Isak pretended not to notice, but he would always blush or look away when Chris said something a little too obvious. Chris often wondered if sometimes Isak texted him just because he wanted to spend time with him too. He doubted it. Isak always made it very clear that he would rather be somewhere else; spending time with Chris was just a necessary evil. Chris didn’t know why he cared; Isak was just some first-year nerd who happened to look really cute in snapbacks. He never wondered what Isak would look like with his hat thrown aside, blond hair mused from Chris’s fingers running through it.

It was at one of those regular hang outs at Chris’s house when everything changed. Chris brought out a quart of whiskey and all he had to mix it with was 7-UP. The combination tasted so terrible that they just added more liquor, because if it was going to taste like shit, then they might as well get real drunk off it.

They had been talking about meaningless things when Isak suddenly asked “Do you still have feelings for Eva?”

Chris replied. “I never had feelings for her, I just wanted to fuck her.”

“Come on man,” Isak chastised “Don’t lie to me. I know you liked her.”

“Well.” Chris paused and looked at Isak seriously. “Maybe I’ve moved on to someone else.”

Isak raised one eyebrow at him and smirked. “What? You’re not going to tell me who she is?”

Chris searched his face, not finding any sign there, he decided to go for it anyway. He leaned forward and kissed Isak who immediately tensed. Chris thought maybe he should pull away, Isak was obviously not into it, he had read all the signs wrong. Isak would probably tell everyone, and his secret would be out. But he didn’t pull away and he was glad of it because (thank God) Isak relaxed, and kissed him back. Isak brought his hand to the back of Chris’s head and, God, his fingers in his hair felt amazing. Soon they were laying on the couch with Isak underneath Chris and he thought nothing could ruin this moment. So, of course, that was when Isak’s phone rang. They both glanced at it, the name ‘Nancy’ lit up the screen. Isak looked back at Chris. “I gotta take this.” And then Isak was walking away, phone to his ear, leaving Chris sitting on the couch alone. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll come right now.” Isak said into the phone. “No, I wasn’t doing anything important. Where is it? Okay. Thanks, bye.” Isak turned back to Chris and without making eye contact he said, “I have to go.” He swung his arms awkwardly at his sides and opened his mouth as if to say something else, but then closed it again. He took a step forward, toward Chris, then seemed to decide against it and turned away leaving the house.


	5. Isak

Isak is freaking out. He is riding his bike from Chris’s house to the hospital where his mother has just been admitted. He is riding away from Chris’s house where he just kissed Chris, who is a boy, and he liked it. No, he loved it. Kissing him felt amazing; he didn’t know it could feel that good. Everything he did with Sara felt like a chore. He kissed her because that’s what boys do; they kiss pretty girls and they enjoy it when the pretty girl sucks their dick. They don’t picture things that actually turn them on just so the girl doesn’t think they’re gay.

Isak can’t think about his sexuality crisis right now. His mother is in the hospital. His mother ran screaming from the house in her pajama’s. She yelled that the devil was in her house; he had come for the sinners. Isak wonders how this could have happened. She was on medication; it was working. Sure, she mostly just sat around the house, staring into space, but that was better than screaming scripture and waving knives at people who weren’t there.

Once he got to the hospital, he met Nancy, his mother’s live-in caregiver, by the doors. She told him that his mother had tried to ween herself off her medication. It made her feel numb. Isak thought numb was better than crazy. Nancy showed him up to her room and left him alone with his mother. Isak sat in the chair by her bed, she looked like she was sleeping. She looked more peaceful than Isak had seen her in years. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and looked right at Isak. “Is your sister okay?”

“Um, yeah. She’s fine Mamma. Go back to sleep.” Isak whispered, because speaking at a normal volume seem so out of place right now. It was better when she slept anyway, I didn’t look like she was fighting demons anymore.

His father arrived an hour later, even though Nancy had called him before she called Isak. “I talked to her doctor.” Was the first thing he said to Isak. “They have a two-week program where they will monitor her and adjust her medication before she goes home. We agreed it would be best for her.”

“Okay.” Isak said as he rose from the chair and left the room.

“Isak, where are you going?” He heard his Father call after him. He only heard it once, and when he got to the end of the hall he turned to see if his Father had followed him or if he was waiting for an answer. There was no one there.

***

Isak rode his bike around Oslo aimlessly for what seemed like hours before he finally ended up back at Chris’s house. He bounced from foot to foot as he waited for Chris to answer the door. It finally opened after what seemed like an eternity. “Are you alone?” Isak asked bluntly. 

“Yeah. Wha—” Chris didn’t get to finish his question because Isak was pushing him into the house and closing the door behind them, before his kissed Chris. There had only been two things on his mind for months. His mother and his sexuality. He couldn’t do anything about his mother’s mental health, but he could do this. He could kiss this boy and forget about all his other problems. He could just let himself feel this moment, and it felt amazing. Then Chris was pulling away and taking Isak’s hand and leading him up to his room. 

Once they were in Chris’s bedroom they continued making out against the closed door. Their shirts were quickly discarded and they made their way to the bed. Isak fell back onto the mattress and Chris followed, his body draping over Isak’s. Isak ran his fingers through Chris’s hair as Chris kissed down his bare chest, undoing his pants in the process. It seems to last forever and no time at all; Chris’s mouth on his dick. Chris clearly knew what he was doing and Isak couldn’t help but groan, deep in this throat. 

When it was over, and Chris had swallowed every last drop, Isak decided that he wanted to return the favour. He straddled Chris and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them down his thighs. He used his hand at first, not knowing exactly how to start. Just before his lips touched Chris, a hand came down on his shoulder. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Chris said.

Isak knew he was just trying to be nice. It was apparently clear that he had never done this before, but he wasn’t in the mood for nice. He was in the mood to forget. “What? You don’t think I’ll be any good?” Isak replied with a smirk and a quirk of his eyebrow. 

His expression and his position between his legs clearly did it for Chris because he immediately came back with a breathless “No, no. I—no.” Isak took that as his queue to continue. He copied what Chris had just done to him and threw in some moves he knew he liked. It wasn’t long before Chris was a mess beneath him. Isak knew he liked boys, but he didn’t think he would love this. The rush of power he got from making another person feel that good, he could have never anticipated that. “I’m gonna—Isak!” Isak pulled off and finished Chris off with his hand. He wasn’t sure he could swallow as expertly as Chris had and he didn’t feel like ruining a good feeling. Soon they were lying side by side on their backs, Chris with his stomach covered in cum. 

Chris got up and walked into the bathroom to clean himself off, a few minutes later, and Isak sat up to do up his pants. Isak was pulling his shirt on as Chris walked back into the bedroom. “You don’t want to stay for round two?” Chris asked confidently.

“No, I have to go. I have some family stuff to deal with.” Isak said. Now that it was over, everything that had happened at the hospital came crashing down on him with a new sense of reality. His mother was going to be in the hospital for the next two weeks. He was going to have to talk to his father. So, he left. He got on his bike, and he drove home. When he arrived, there was no one home. Isak’s shoulders relaxed in relief. He knew he would have to talk to his father, but he was glad it wouldn’t have to be right now.

***

The next morning Isak awoke to the smell of bacon. His father had not come home by the time he fell asleep at midnight. So, Isak got up to investigate, assuming Nancy had come back. He walked into to kitchen and saw that it was not Nancy making bacon, but his father. “Good morning, Isak.” He said in a cheery voice that honestly creeped Isak out a little. It was so out of character of his father.

“Morning.” Isak mumbled in reply.  
“I gave Nancy the next two weeks off with pay. And I’ll be staying here.” He informed Isak.

“Okay? Why?” 

“Nancy’s job is to care for your mother. Since she is in the hospital, we won’t be needing her until Mamma is back.” He didn’t answer Isak’s question of why he was there, but Isak didn’t push it. He liked how his father had said ‘we’, like they were in this together. Maybe when his mother was out of the hospital they could try to be a family again. Maybe it would be okay this time. 

***

The next two weeks passed in a sort of ignorant bliss for Isak. He decided if his father wanted to be a part of his life again, if he wanted to fix their family, he would let him. It felt good to forgive, like a weight had been lifted and he could breathe normally again. He saw Chris a couple times, they hooked up but nothing more so far. He was okay with that; he knew Chris’s reputation. Right now, he didn’t think about whether he had feelings for him, he just enjoyed being himself for an hour or two. Isak thought maybe he could tell his father, maybe he wouldn’t hate him for being gay. 

On the day his mother was due to come home, Isak came home from school to find a suitcase in the front hall. He walked further into the house and called “Pappa?” 

His father came down the stairs with another packed bag in this hands. “Hi Isak, I’m going to the hospital to pick up Mamma. Nancy is going to meet me there.”

“Okay, then why do you have those bags?” Isak asked, fearing he already knew the answer. 

“I’m just going to drop her and Nancy off here, and then I’m going back to my apartment.”

“Why did you even bother coming back at all!?” Isak asked with a raised voice.

“Isak, I’m sorry if you though this was permanent but, your mother will be back home to take care of you know. There is no need for me to be here anymore.”

“Take care of me!? Are you serious!?” Isak was yelling now. “She hasn’t taken care of me in years, Pappa! I get the groceries, I do the laundry, I take care of myself! And Mamma, when it’s Nancy’s day off! Mamma can’t even take care of herself most of the time!”

“This is just how it has to be, Isak.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re just a coward!” Isak screamed. He thought everything was getting better. He knew his mother wasn’t going to magically be in perfect health, but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with it on his own. His father had just taken the happiness that had been building for the past two weeks and crushed it, and it seemed like he didn’t even care. Isak could feel his eye’s stinging and he didn’t want his father to see him cry, so he left. He didn’t know where he was going, as long as it was far away from that house and all the bad memories it held. 

***

Isak had been walking around Oslo for hours. He had made a quick stop at a bar to drown his sorrows in liquor, before heading back out into the night. It was mid-April; the air wasn’t exactly cold, but it wasn’t warm enough to be walking around at night in a t-shirt. The cold and the fact that he was no longer as drunk as he would like to be, is what lead Isak to the London Pub. 

Isak was sitting at the bar after having downed one too many shots to count. He laid his head on the sleek black counter when he felt someone sit next to him. “Hi Isak.” A male voice said right in his ear, causing him to jerk his head up. “I’m Eskild. Remember me?”


	6. Even

Even met Sonja when they were 14. When she still had acne on her cheeks and he was only 5’5. They had gone to school together for a couple years but never spoken until they ended up at the same party, on the same couch. After that, they would talk at school and at parties and they became part of the same circle of friends. Even’s best friend, Mikael, was especially excited that they now had a bunch of girls to hang out with. Even just liked spending time with Sonja, even if she didn’t feel the same about him as he did about her.

The summer before their last year of middle school, Even and Sonja didn’t see each other much. When they went back to school in August, Even had grown 7 inches. He was a mess of lanky limbs, but Sonja thought she had never seen anyone as beautiful. Suddenly, all his jokes were funnier, his come backs wittier, and his conversations smarter. 

Even grew another inch before they finally kissed. It wasn’t overly romantic. They were sitting on a small stone wall outside of a house party. Even had only gone to the party to spend time with Sonja, and he didn’t know, at the time, that she was only there to spend time with him. They had stopped talking, and Sonja was leaning against his shoulder. When she looked up at Even, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. It was soft and short. They pulled apart and looked at each other. Then they kissed again and went home to do it some more. Sonja had never kissed anyone before Even. Even had kissed a boy that summer. He had liked it, and he didn’t know what to think about that, so he figured that he just liked people. 

The next day, Even took Sonja out for ice cream, and by Monday everyone at school knew they were a couple. Three months later he told Sonja that he loved her. She didn’t say it back. Instead she said, “We’re only 15, how do you even know if it’s love?” She was always practical, and Even loved that about her.

“I just know.” He said. 

She smiled at him. “You just know.” She mumbled, looking down and shaking her head. Then she looked up at him and said. “Okay.” With a firm nod of her head, and that was it. 

Two months after that they were lying in Sonja’s bed, wrapped up in each other. Even was looking at the ceiling with a serious expression, when Sonja turned to him and said, “What are you thinking about?”

Even blushed and looked down. “Nothing.” He said too quickly for it to be the truth.

Sonja made a fake gasping noise and said with mock shock in her voice, “Is Even Bech Næsheim blushing? Am I really witnessing this rare event?” Even chuckled in response but didn’t say anything. “Tell me.” Prompted Sonja.

“I was just thinking, you know, about having sex… with you, and how that is a thing that I would like to do. At some point.” Even continued to look anywhere but at Sonja until her silence became too much. He looked her right in the eye’s and said, “What are you thinking?”

She pursed her lips and said, “Okay.”

“Okay? What does okay mean?”

“Okay means…” She paused. “Having sex with you is also a thing I would like to do. At some point.”

Even smiled because that is exactly what he wanted to hear. He didn’t want to rush this; they had all the time in the world. “Okay.” He replied.

Sonja looked at him with a mischievous smile. “Maybe okay will be our always.”

“No. Nope. No. You did not just do that. I cannot believe I’m dating you!” Even reacted, pushing her limbs off him to make his opinion on the matter even more clear.

“What?” She said while giggling and trying to reattach herself to her boyfriend. “They’re making a movie out of it. You love movies!”

“I love good movies.”

“Oh, pshhh! This one isn’t even finished! How would you know if it’s any good?”

Even stopped prying Sonja's arms off him and wrapped his around her. “The same way I know I love you.”

***

Sonja did eventually tell Even that she loved him. She waited until she knew for sure, and Even was happy that she did. He would rather wait, then have her say it and not mean it. But all that awkwardness about sex and ‘does she like me back?’ was behind them as they entered their third year of high school. Even remembers thinking he had a great life: The perfect girl and a great best friend, what more could he ask for. His life was basically the end of a sappy romantic high school movie where the underdog becomes popular and gets the girl. There’s a reason they don’t show the audience what happens after the credits roll. They don’t want the illusion of unattainable perfection to be ruined, because when the hero of the film starts to get antsy all the time and his mind starts working so fast even he can’t keep up, that’s not the perfect ending anymore. 

Sonja is the first to notice something different. Even laughs to hard at things that aren’t that funny. It’s weird, but she lets it slide. Then she notices him getting out of bed several times when he stays the night at her house. Even can tell she wants to say something about it. Ask him why he is not sleeping? Why does he keep taking up new hobbies? Because he has noticed that something is off too. At first he thought he was just happy. He had so much energy because life is good and there is so much to be energized about. It’s not until he is climbing down from a tree because he thought it would be amazing to see the city from the top of it, that he realizes maybe this is not normal. He doesn’t say anything, and neither does Sonja. Then it’s been a week and he has only gotten out of bed to go to the washroom and eat a couple times. His mother is worried, she pleads with him to get up. Sonja strokes his hair and watches him stare at the wall for hours before falling asleep. 

After two weeks, his parents finally make him get out of bed to see a doctor. Bipolar, the doctor says. His parents ask questions. “What does that mean?” “How do we cure it?” “Will this happen again?”. Even doesn’t want to listen, so he starts to list bi- words that apply to him in his head. Bipolar, bipedal, bisexual— or maybe he’s pansexual? It’s too exhausting to even think about, so he rests his head against the wall and closes his eyes.

***

The doctor prescribes Even pills and referred him to a therapist. The medication didn’t suddenly make him happy. The world was still grey and loathing, but with each day that passed it was a little easier to get out of bed, until he was back to normal. Except he wasn’t. Things that would normally make him excited or nervous or upset, didn’t. The emotions were there, but it was like he was watching someone in a film experience them. He felt detached. He told this to his therapist during their first appointment and she tweaked his medication. 

Even never wanted to have sex anymore. Sonja said it was okay, she just wanted him to get better. Sometimes he didn’t believe her; he thinks she stays out of pity and obligation. After a couple months, four appointments with his therapist, and a lot of trial and error with his medication, Even starts to feel more like his old self. He just wants everything in his life to go back to normal, especially his relationship with Sonja. They have been together for three years; he can’t lose her. 

Their relationship is not the same, as much as Even tries to pretend it is. Sonja is hesitant, she is watchful. She is always reminding him about his medication. His sex drive is back, but she often makes excuses as to why they can’t or shouldn’t right now. Even is getting frustrated with her. It’s the beginning of December when he has finally had enough. They are sitting on the couch in his room, watching the credits of ‘Safety Not Guaranteed’ roll. Even has his arm around Sonja and he turns his face toward her. “You know I love you, right?” he kisses the side of her head.

She moves her head away and whispers, “Yeah, I know.” 

“And you love me too?”

She looks at him with big, sad eyes. “Of course.”

Even sighs and removes he arm from its spot on her shoulders. “Then why are you acting like this?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” She says, looking away from him.

“Yes you do.” He knows that she knows exactly what he means, but he continues anyway. “You’ve been distant. You don’t want to have sex. You treat me like a child when it comes to my medication. Do you want me to go on?”

“No, no. It’s just.” Sonja flailed her hands around, then sighed and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know how to tell you this.” She whispered.

Even turned so he was facing her completely, and took her hands in his. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I know it’s been hard lately, that I’ve been… different.” Even was so scared that she was about to break up with him, that all she could see when she looked at him now was his disorder.

“No! It’s not that, it’s… I…” Sonja paused and took a deep breath. “I slept with Mikael.”

“What?” Even said in a monotone voice. Her words didn’t register. He must have misheard.

“It was just once, I swear! It was back in October. You were… you didn’t want to touch me and I just felt so lonely and it just happened. I wish I could take it back. Please don’t hate me?” she whispered the last part. 

Even stood up and began to pace back and forth. Then he stopped and looked at Sonja. “I can’t have sex with you because I’m medicated, so you go fuck my best friend!?” He was practically yelling now. “How the fuck does that make any sense?”

“Even, please. It wasn’t like that! I just—” She struggled to find the right words but Even cut in.

“Then what was it like Sonja!? Because I’m having a pretty hard time understanding your motives here.” Before she could respond, Even turned and left the room. He heard her call after him but he didn’t listen. He was going to kill him. Even got into his parent’s car and drove to his best friend’s house. He didn’t knock, he walked into the house and up to Mikael’s bedroom. When he entered the room, Mikael was bent over the bottom drawer of his dresser. He stood and turned toward the door as he heard Even come in. 

Hey man. What are you—” He didn’t get to finish his sentence because Even punched him in his stupid fucking lying face. “Ahhh! What the fuck!?”

Even had never punched anyone before. He didn’t expect it to hurt so much. “Ow, fuck!” Even exclaimed, and then pointed at Mikael with his other hand. “That was for fucking my girlfriend!”

Mikael was clutching his face where Even had hit him, but he lowered his hand and said, “Yeah, I deserved that.” Even looked at him in disbelief, and punched him again. “Okay, what was that for!?”

“That was for being so fucking chill!” Even yelled.

Mikael sighed, “I’m sorry. About Sonja, not about being too chill.” He looked away. “You had to know that I always liked her. Ever since I first saw her, then you became friends with her and I thought it was my chance. Anyway, she was just upset about everything that was going on with you and it just happened. I felt like such a dick afterwards, like I betrayed you and took advantage of her. I’m just really sorry.”

“It just happened? Why is everyone fucking saying that. What? You just happened to have sex with someone else’s girlfriend!?” Even stopped like he was waiting for an answer, even though it was a rhetorical question. “You know what, just stay the fuck away from me.” 

Even walked out of Mikael’s house and realized that he no longer had a best friend, and he didn’t know if he had a girlfriend either.


	7. Chris

Chris was happy. He had finally admitted to himself that he was attracted to Isak, and he had done something about it. Kissing him was great, but he got a little nervous when Isak left. Isak had a girlfriend, he was obviously in the closet. Maybe he didn’t want this; maybe he was freaked out; maybe he would tell everyone that Chris liked boys. There was nothing to worry about, though, because a few hours later Isak came back.

They had been hooking up for a couple weeks when Isak Valterson fell of the face of the fucking earth. Chris texted him on Friday, to see if he wanted to come over that night. He didn’t get a response until after midnight, and it didn’t make any sense. Isak was clearly off getting drunk somewhere, so Chris decided to leave it. He didn’t hear from him all weekend, and he didn’t show up to school on Monday, or Tuesday. By Wednesday, Chris was starting to get worried. He told himself he shouldn’t care, Isak probably just had the flu. It’s not like he had to tell Chris these things, they weren’t dating. However, when he saw Jonas at his locker, he couldn’t help himself from walking up to him and saying “Hi”

“What do you want?” Jonas said in a curt tone.

“I was just wondering if you had heard from Isak?” Chris asked in response to Jonas’ question.

Jonas pressed his lips together in a tight line before answering with yet another question. “Why the fuck would you want to know that?”

Chris sighed. “He just hasn’t been answering my texts since Friday, and since he hasn’t been in school, I thought I would see if he was alright. Just forget it, I never should have fucking asked.”

Jonas looked at him skeptically, and said in a low voice. “I haven’t heard from him, but I think… If he does text you will you let me know. I’m getting worried.”

“Yeah.” Chris said before walking away. Shit. Now he really had a reason to worry.

Later that night, Chris was pissed at himself for two reasons. Number one, because he had let himself get so attached to Isak, so quickly. Number two, because he was currently trying to find Isak’s address so he could go over there and make sure he wasn’t dead. He had no idea how this first-year boy had gotten so under his skin in such a short time. Chris eventually found Isak’s address, but by the time he convinced himself to go over there, it was already past midnight. He didn’t think Isak’s parents would appreciate him showing up at this time of night. 

The next morning Chris left for school early and stopped by Isak’s house on the way. He noticed a sign that read ‘Tarje, Marianne, Isak og Lea’, so he knew he was at the right house. He knocked several times before the door opened, a small brown haired woman standing in the threshold. “Hi, I was wondering if Isak was home?” Chris said in his best ‘I’m going to impress your mother’ voice.

The woman, who Chris assumed was Marianne, looked dazed, but at the mention of her son’s name her eye became focused. She snapped her gaze upward and looked Chris in the eye. “Isak is not here.” She said in an ominous tone.

“Okay,” Chris replied, “do you know where I could find him?”

“My child his dead.” Marianne said in the way of an answer, and shut the door leaving Chris on the front step, alone. He turned and walked to his car, his body seeming to move without his mind. Dead? Isak is dead. That can’t be right. Surely Jonas would have known? There would have been talk at school if a student had died. These thoughts swirled around Chris’s head as he started his car and drove to school. It wasn’t until he was parked on the road outside of Nissen, that he thought to call Isak. As he got out of his car he fumbled with his phone. He tried to keep his growing panic at bay, but he could barely unlock the phone, his hands were shaking too much. He was about to click on the call symbol beside Isak’s name, when he looked straight ahead and saw the boy in question standing in the school courtyard. 

Isak was standing next to Jonas and two other boys who he assumed were Magnus and Madhi, though he didn’t know which was which. Isak was smirking and Jonas and the dark-skinned boy were laughing, slightly shocked expressions on their faces. The other blond boy looked mildly offended. Chris assumed Isak had said something witty yet savage about the blond boy; Isak was really clever when he wanted to be. He seemed totally normal, and very much alive. Chris shook his head and walked into to building.

***

Chris couldn’t stop thinking about Isak all morning. He wondered if Isak wanted to stop hooking up, and that’s why he hadn’t texted him. That didn’t explain his strange encounter with Marianne though. He saw Isak at his locker during lunch and couldn’t hold off any longer. He walked over to him and leaned against the locker next to Isak’s. 

Isak turned and said, “Hey.”

Chris had so many things he wanted to say at that moment, but he figured ‘Hey, so I talked to your mom this morning, and she told me you were dead. That was fun, what have you been up to for the past week?’ would be a little much. He went with a simple “What’s up?” instead.

“Not much, just about to meet the boys in the cafeteria.” Isak relied, nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t been missing for 6 days without a word.

“Do you want to come over tonight?” Chris offered.

“Uhh, I don’t know, I have a lot of school work to catch up on.”

“Well, I am the perfect person to help you with that. I have already taken all your first-year courses, and I can reward you afterwards.” Chris said with a wink at the end. Before Isak could answer Chris was already walking away he called “Text me when you decide.” Over his shoulder, then rounded the corner and Isak was out of sight.

***

Isak did come over that night, and Chris actually did help him with his school work. He didn’t mind doing it, and that was a strange feeling for Chris. Normally, he just wanted his hook ups to get to it and leave. When he had dated Iben, even though he had liked her, sometimes he just got tired of talking. Tired of spending all his time with her, but with Isak he wanted more. He wanted to spend all his time with him; they could talk for hours and Chris would be content, and that was a strange feeling.

Chris had zoned out thinking about his feelings toward Isak. When he looked up Isak had put his work on the table and was looking at Chris with that look. The look that said ‘take me to bed or I’ll find someone better’. Chris could not resist that look, so he pushed Isak down so he was lying on the couch and kissed him with everything he had. 

They eventually made it up to Chris’s room, sprawled out on the bed, similarly to how they had been on the couch. Although there was less clothing involved now. Chris had his hand around Isak’s thigh, and he pulled it up around his waist. They continued making out in this position for a few minutes before Chris’s lips migrated down to Isak’s neck. Isak put his mouth right next to Chris’s ear and whispered, “I want you to fuck me.”

Chris pulled back and looked Isak in the eye. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

“Okay.” Chris said with a smile. He had been wanting to do this for so long.

***

It was late when the two boys were finally still. They laid side by side on the bed, and Chris pulled a blanket over their bare bodies to ward off the cold. Isak had other ideas; he stood up and pulled his boxers on, then began looking for the rest of his outfit. “You can stay if you want.” Chris said. When Isak just looked at him slightly surprised, Chris continued, “It’s just that it’s late and we’re going to the same place in the morning, so you might as well.”

Isak gave a slight nod, but didn’t say anything. He crawled back into bed and that was answer enough for Chris.


	8. Isak

When Chris asked Isak to stay the night, Isak had wanted to say no. But he didn’t, because for every reason to say no, there was a reason to say yes. Ultimately, a nice warm bed far away from his mother and his problems was what won out. It had been a hell of a week, and not sleeping at home or in Eskild’s cramped basement was a small victory. Not that he wasn’t grateful to Eskild for putting him up. He was, he couldn’t thank him enough for helping him get out of his house, but it was a tiny basement with a thin mattress. Chris’s bed was big, lush and comfortable. So, he stayed the night. 

Isak had gone back to his house for only one night in the past week, mainly to pick up some clothes, but also because he didn’t want his mother to worry. He figured if he went home every once and a while, she could see that he was alive, and that would be enough. It’s not like she paid much attention to him these day’s anyway. She was off in her head or at church most of the time. 

His trip home had been uneventful. He got in late, went to sleep, and in the morning he packed a bag. His mother was in the kitchen when he was leaving and he had told her, “Mamma, I’ll be staying with a friend for a while, okay?”

She looked at him, placed her hand on his, and with a soft smile said, “Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good morals.”

Isak closed his eyes for a second and looked at his mother. “Okay.” He whispered in defeat, and then he left. It was Monday morning, but he didn’t go to school. He hadn’t realized how much he had wanted her to tell him to stay. That she would try to get better, for him, for his father and for herself. Every time he hoped they could be a proper family again, his hopes were crushed by reality. So, Isak receded back to Eskild’s basement and stayed there. He only went back to school because Jonas texted him saying he was going to his house and he was going to stay there until Isak talked to him. Jonas didn’t make treats like that lightly, and Isak didn’t want him to know that he hadn’t been home in almost four days.

***

Things with Isak and Chris began to change. There were more nights like that Thursday, were Isak would go to leave and Chris would say “Stay.” Often accompanied by a kiss or a hand down Isak’s pants. He told Eskild that he went home on those nights, so his mother wouldn’t worry, but the truth was he had only been home once since he had picked up his clothes.

Sometimes, when he talked to Chris at school, which wasn’t often, he wondered if people knew. His pulse would quicken at the thought, but he also wondered if it would be so bad. It didn’t matter because nobody was going to find out, nobody had any reason to think Chris was gay, and he had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who was currently mad at him. “Sara! Wait.”

They were in the courtyard at school and she was walking away from him. “Isak, I’ve barely seen you for the past couple weeks, and now you’re telling me you don’t want me to come over. What am I supposed to think? Do you even want to be in this relationship?”

“Yes!” Isak almost screamed. “Of course I do! It’s just that I have a lot of shit going on with my family, so I was thinking we could hang out at your place instead.”

Sara sighed and pressed her lips together in a thin line. “Why didn’t you just tell be about your family. That’s what girlfriends are for, you know. You can talk to me about all that stuff.”

“Yeah, I just didn’t want to freak you out.” Isak said while nervously scratching the back of his neck.

Sara walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, “Well, how about you come over to my place tonight. We can talk, or just watch a movie, or…” She paused and looked up at him with a small smile, “My parents won’t be home, so..”

Isak wrapped his armed around her and gave her a quick peck on the lips, “I’ll be there.”

“Sara! Stop kissing your boy toy and get your ass over here! We have to get to Norwegian!” It was Ingrid, yelling from the other side of the courtyard.

“I’ll see you later then.” Sara said, and then she was walking toward the building to meet her friend.

***

That night, Isak and Sara were in Sara’s bedroom. They had ending up watching ‘Comet’ because Netflix had recommended it. It was slow and romantic, and kind of boring, so they had stopped paying attention and were now lying on Sara’s bed, making out. Isak was trying to enjoy it. They had gotten to a point in their relationship where Isak knew Sara wanted more. He didn’t know if he could give it to her, but at the rate things were going tonight, it seemed he was going to find out soon.

She had her hands under the back of Isak’s shirt, and she was pulling it over his head. They broke off their kiss and she took off her shirt as well. They continued kissing and soon she was undoing his belt. Isak was getting nervous. It’s not that they had never done anything like this before, but Isak knew what Sara wanted this time, and they had been together long enough that it made sense. Sex was the natural next step in their relationship, there was no denying that. Isak should want this. He knew she was pretty, and she wanted to have sex with him. As unsure of himself as Isak was, when Sara reached into her bedside table and pulled out a condom, he didn’t stop her. He didn’t stop her when she took off her pants, or his underwear, or when she opened the condom. And soon it was over. It hadn’t been good, but Sara reassured him that it was fine, “It was your first time, right?” He nodded, it wasn’t technically a lie. It was his first time with a girl. “The second time is always better.” Isak didn’t stay the night.

***

The next night he went to Chris’s. He couldn’t help but feel guilty as they kissed and as they fucked. Chris seemed to notice something was off so he asked. “Hey, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing.” He answered, Chris gave him a skeptical look and Isak continued. “It’s just Sara.”

“Wow, Isak. Don’t drop all that personal information on me at once, I don’t think I can handle it.” Chris said sarcastically.

“Shut up.” Isak threw one of the many pillows from Chris’s bed at him. “I was thinking about breaking up with her.”

“That’s probably a good idea, I mean you are cheating on her. There’s no point in going out with someone you were never interested in.” Chris stated nonchalantly. 

“Who says I’m not interested in her?” Isak defended.

“Uhh” Chris had a slightly surprised expression on his face. 

“I’m not gay, if that’s what you think!?”

“No, sure, I mean… You’re bisexual then. Cool, same.” Chris said awkwardly

Isak’s lips were pressed together tightly and he had crossed his arms. “I don’t know.”

“Well, you’re definitely not straight.” Chris said with a cheeky grin.

Isak looked at him and gave a breathy laugh. “Yeah, let’s go with that; not straight.”

Isak didn’t stay the night there either.

***

A few days later, Isak found himself in Sara’s bedroom watching a movie again. This one was better, but neither of them were paying attention. Isak couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with Chris. ‘Not straight’ meant he could still like girls. He wanted to like girls, so when Sara started kissing his neck he gave in. They want down the same road they had earlier that week; he let he take the lead again, but this time he had a slightly better idea what he was doing. Afterwards, Sara seemed satisfied, but Isak couldn’t help but compare this to his experience with Chris. Sex with Chris felt amazing, it was the feeling that Jonas described when he talked about being with girls. It was what he should have felt with Sara, but he just didn’t, couldn’t. He stayed the night with her, because her parents were out and he felt bad knowing she would be single soon.

***

Isak broke up with Sara a week later. Chris didn’t say anything about it. The two boys had gotten very comfortable with each other, and Isak started to think that Chris didn’t just want to hook up. They texted all the time, and when they were together it wasn’t just sex. They would play video games, smoke weed, and sometimes just talk, about everything and nothing. Isak told Chris about his crush on Jonas, he didn’t know why he did it. They were high and he just wanted someone to know. “He would probably be cool with it, you know.” Chris said. “About you liking guys.” When Isak just shrugged, he continued. “I’m not his biggest fan, but he seems like a chill guy, plus he’s your best friend.”

“Maybe.” Isak said noncommittally. “Does anyone know about you?” 

“Yeah, William. I was terrified of someone finding out, but it’s actually nice. Being able to talk to someone about it. Having someone I don’t have to be careful around, like I’m not always worrying about pronouns anymore.” Chris shrugged.

“So why aren’t you out?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes it’s easier this way. I don’t want everyone to think I’m gay.” The words stung in Isak’s chest, and he looked out the window, avoiding Chris’s eyes. “Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, I’m just not. I’m Bisexual, I like both. Sometimes that’s a hard concept for people to grasp.”

At this point Isak and Chris had been hooking up for just over a month, and Isak didn’t really know where it was going. He knew Chris didn’t want a boyfriend, and Isak was okay with that. Even though he had broken up with Sara, he still wasn’t ready for people to know. He was content to just be together in secret. Chris seemed okay with how things were going too, until he didn’t anymore. 

Isak and Chris frequented many of the same parties. Isak generally stayed off to the side, drinking and hanging out with one of the guys. Magnus was rarely hooking up with anyone, so there was a good chance there would be someone to chill with to avoid flirting with girls. At some point during each party that they were both at, Chris would find Isak’s gaze across the room and eye fuck him like he didn’t care who found out about them. Isak would try not to blush, and fail every time. At each party, the two would end up in a bathroom or bedroom with one on their knees, or against a wall. Isak would return to Madhi, Magnus, Jonas, or all three, looking disheveled and satisfied. The boys would always assume that Isak had hooked up with a random girl, and they were not quiet about it. Soon, the whole school thought Isak was a huge player, so he just let the rumours spread and continued to sleep with Chris.

Isak first noticed something was off with Chris at one of these parties. It wasn’t unusual to see Chris making out with a girl, but Isak thought it was mainly for show. Soon enough he would always separate from the girl and find Isak’s eyes. One night in late May, Chris did not do this. He found a girl, Isak noticed him with her immediately, and he knew it would be about twenty minutes before he got tired and found Isak. So, Isak got himself a beer and sat with Madhi and Magnus to wait out the show.

Thirty minutes later, Isak noticed Chris was still in the centre of the crowd of dancing teenagers, making out with the girl. Forty-five minutes, and Chris was nowhere to be found, neither was the girl he had been sucking face with. An hour and thirty minutes and saw the two exiting a bedroom; her lipstick was smudged and his shirt was on inside out. Chris didn’t separate from the girls for the rest of the night, and Isak saw them leave together. Madhi and Magnus noticed that he didn’t hook up at this party, and Magnus had no filter, so of course he asked, “Dude, where’s your girl of the night? You haven’t left us once to find yourself a hook up.”

“Yeah, I just wasn’t feeling it tonight.” Isak responded, it even sounded false to his ears. Madhi gave him a skeptical look, so he continued, “I know you wouldn’t know anything about this Magnus, but sometimes it’s nice to just drink with your friends instead of hooking up with randoms.” He could tell that Madhi still didn’t believe him, but Magnus seemed satisfied. 

***  
Chris stopped inviting Isak to stay the night every time they hooked up. When they did hook up, that was all they did; they didn’t talk, or hang out for hours like they used to. Chris would make up some excuse why Isak couldn’t stay long, they would have sex, and Isak would sulk all the way back to Eskild’s basement. 

The next party that Isak went to, he spotted Chris right away, again with a girl. They were wrapped up in each other, and Chris looked content not to move from his position on the couch with her on his lap. Isak waited thirty minutes this time before he gave up. Chris wasn’t going to look at him, Isak knew that now, but it still hurt. Isak went into the kitchen to get another beer; he had the fridge opened when a very drunk second year stumbled in and said, “My friend bet me 300kr that I couldn’t finish this 40 of rum tonight. He didn’t say anything about getting someone else to drink it. Wanna help me out?” 

The second year held up two shot glasses, and Isak thought ‘What the hell’, “Sure.” He said.

Five shots and two beers later Isak literally ran into Chris and his girl of the night. Chris put his hands on Isak’s shoulders to steady him. “Hey, Isak. How you feeling?” Chris asked in that voice that people use when they are clearly less drunk than you.

“Phffffff, I’m fiiiiine. I’m great, actually. How are yooou feeling? Is this your new girl? She’s pretty. It’s so nice that you get a new one every night.” Isak was rambling. “So nice for you.” Isak said with a pat on Chris’s shoulder, then he was walking away from the temporary couple. He made his way outside, into the cool night air and started walking. Isak soon realized he didn’t really know where he was going, so he sat on the sidewalk and took out his phone. Isak drunkenly scrolled through his contacts until one caught his eye. Eskild. He always knew how to help Isak. He would know what to do right now. So, he pressed call, and soon Eskild was yelling ‘Hello!’ into the phone, music blaring in the background.

“Eskild!”

“Isak, why are you calling me, is everything okay?” The music in the background suddenly got quieter.

“It’s fiiiine. I just have no Idea where I am, and I think I drank a lot of rum. I’ve never drank rum before, it tastes kind of funny. Did you know it’s really good if you mix it with coconuts?” Isak drunkenly babbled into the phone.

“Okay, Isak, I need you to focus, can you tell me if there is a street sign near you?”

“Yep. That’s a silly question. Is this a game?”

Eskild couldn’t help but laugh, “Sort of. Can you tell me the name on the sign?”

“Oscars. Ooooscaars. Like the award show! And the Oscar goes to...” Isak said the last part in English before breaking out in giggles. Once he stopped laughing he said, “Except it’s a street. And the other sign says Riddervolds.”

“Okay, the corner of Oscars and Riddervold, please” Eskild’s voice came through the phone muffled, then clear again. “Isak, can you just stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.”

“Eskild,” Isak’s voice was much more somber now. “I thought he liked me. Why doesn’t he like me?” Isak let the phone drop between his legs onto the ground. He could vaguely hear Eskild’s voice saying his name, but he couldn’t care right now. He laid back on the sidewalk, and closed his eyes.

It seemed like only a minute had passed when he felt someone shaking him awake. “Isak, Isak get up, I’m going to bring you home.”

“I don’t want to go home. My Mamma is crazy, and my Pappa hates me.” Isak shouted.

“Shh, Isak. We are going to my apartment, not your parents’ house.” Eskild said calmly.

“Oh, why are you so nice to me. Nobody likes me.” Isak said as Eskild sat him in the backseat of a cab. 

“We’ll be home soon, just be quiet for now.” Eskild reassured. 

Once they got back to the apartment, and Eskild had settled Isak into his bed in the basement with a glass of water, Isak whispered, “I really thought he liked me.”

“Who?” Eskild asked.

“Chris. Christoffer. I thought it was more than just sex to him.” Isak lamented.

“Hmm.” Eskild pondered for a moment before asking, “Do you love him?”

Isak opened his eyes and looked at Eskild thoughtfully. Several minutes passed before he gave a quiet, “No.”

“Then you’ll get over this. You’ll meet someone that you do love, and who loves you back. You deserve that, Isak.”

“Maybe this is all I get.” Isak whispered before closing his eyes again, and falling asleep.


	9. Even

Even didn’t talk to Sonja for two weeks; he tried not to think about her. But she was there, in the corners of his mind; it was especially difficult when he tried to fall asleep at night. There was nothing to distract him from his thoughts, and for the first few days, all he could think about was Sonja with him. He felt like they were laughing at him, ‘Oh poor Even is sick in the head, he’ll never know.’ By the end of the first week his thoughts had turned from Sonja and Mikael to himself. Why wasn’t he enough? Did Sonja not want him anymore? If he tried to get her back would she say no? After a week and a half, he just thought about Sonja, about her hair and her laugh. The way she always looked so content when she was reading a book, and how she would put her head on his chest and say ‘Tell me a story’.

 

            Even was lying in bed, thinking about her when he decided it wasn’t over. She hurt him, but he still loved her. He still wanted her. He got out of bed and went to her house. He didn’t care that in was 1am, or that her parents were probably home; he needed to see her. He crawled in through her bedroom window as quietly as he could, and toed off his shoes. He tried not to wake her as he got into bed behind her, and wrapped his arms around her. He did wake her though, and she placed her hands over his and held on tight. Even could feel her shake as she started silently crying. “Shhh. I love you. I’m here.”

 

            Sonja took a deep breath in through her sobs. “I love you too. I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”

 

            “Shh, shh. It’s okay, it’s okay. I got you, I’m here.” Even whispered.

 

            Sonja turned in his arms, wrapped her arms around his torso, and buried her face in his chest. “I’m sorry.”

 

            “I know.” Even told her, because he did. He knew all his doubts had been wrong. She had made a mistake, but it didn’t mean that she stopped loving him. Somehow, holding her like this; comforting her, made Even feel like everything was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. He hadn’t felt like that since before the diagnosis. This was how they were supposed to be; Even needed to take care of Sonja too.

 

***

 

            They didn’t talk about it much after they initially got back together. Even tried not to think about it, and eventually they got back to normal. Sonja’s infidelity didn’t hang over their relationship like a dark cloud. They moved on. The thing that didn’t go back to ‘normal’ was Even’s mental health. He was still bipolar; it wasn’t something that just went away because he currently had medication that seemed to work. It wasn’t a magical cure; he would have this forever. But for now, he was doing fine. He didn’t expect it when it all happened again. He didn’t see it coming, and he didn’t even know it was happening at first; this was still so new.

 

            It was late January, and Even met a Muslim girl at a party. She didn’t drink, and he wasn’t supposed to, so he was sticking to water that night. They got talking because they seemed to be the only sober people in the place. She was a second year at his school, and Even didn’t want to seem rude, but he almost knew nothing about Islam. So, he asked her about it. She didn’t think he was rude, on the contrary, she was excited that he wanted to know about her religion, and they ended up talking for hours about Islam, its place in Norwegian society, and its stereotypes. Even left the party feeling slightly wiser, and stayed up the rest of the night reading about Islam online.

 

            Soon reading about outsider’s opinions on the religion wasn’t enough. Even decided he would read the Qur’an himself and form his own opinions on the matter. He got through half of it when he thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be better to read this in Arabic?’. So, he downloaded an app and started learning, using the Qur’an to help him learn. Again, Even got about half way through, when he decided ‘February is cold; I should knit Sonja a hat’. A hat turned into three hats, seven scarves, two pairs of mittens, and a half-finished sweater. When he gave them to Sonja (Keeping one of each for himself), she looked worried. He didn’t understand, at first, why she wasn’t happy that he had made all these things for her, and then he realized. Later that day he heard her and his mother whispering in the kitchen.

 

By now it was the beginning of March, his mother knocked on his bedroom door, “Even, can I come in?”

 

“Sure.” Even said

 

When she came into the room, Even was sitting on his bed watching a movie. He had a notebook on his lap, in which he was frantically writing notes. “Hi honey, I booked you an appointment with Dr. Iversen.” She said as she looked at her son nervously. “It’s at ten, tomorrow morning.”

 

“Okay, we should go to that crepe place beforehand for breakfast.” Even replied casually.

 

She looked at him for a moment before saying, “Sure, that sounds lovely, we’ll leave around eight then. Good night, sweetie.”

 

“Night Mom.”

 

***

           

            The next morning at 8 o’clock, Even was still in bed. His mother tried to get him up, but he simply wouldn’t listen. He didn’t care about his appointment, or the crepe place, or his unfinished sweater, or his notes on how to make the perfect film he had scrawled in his notebook last night. He didn’t care about anything, he just wanted his mother to leave him alone, and for everything to stop. He wanted to go back to sleep so he didn’t have to feel this anymore.

 

            Just like the first episode, it took time. Time to feel okay again. To feel like himself again. Sonja was there when he needed her, and sometimes when he didn’t, but she gave him space if he asked for it. She didn’t disappear this time. She hovered and asked him about his medication. ‘Had he stopped taking it?’ ‘Is that why he got sick again?’ ‘Did they change it again?’ ‘How do you feel?’ ‘Should you really be smoking?’. Even felt like a child sometimes when she did that. He felt like she didn’t trust him to take care of himself. So, he would lie. It got exhausting, trying to seem like he was always okay, when sometimes he really was just tired. It didn’t mean he was depressed. So, he would tell her he had a test to study for, or a dinner with his grandparents. He felt terrible about lying, but he still did it.

 

            They continued in this new version of their relationship. Even often thought about not taking his medication, it made his emotions less than what they should be. But then he would be tired and down for a few days and realize, it would be so much worse if he wasn’t on his meds.

 

            Him and Sonja still worked, just not as well as they had before. Even still loved her and there were moments when he would look at he from across the room, or kiss her and think, _This is going to be okay._ But for every moment like this, there was a moment when he wanted to tell her to stop; stop with the questions and the monitoring; stop acting like his mother instead of his girlfriend. By May, they seemed to have a good rhythm going again. Even hadn’t had a bad episode in a while and Sonja had laid off a bit. Everything was going fine until one Friday night at a party. Even didn’t know the guy who was hosting very well, but Sonja did. That was the only reason they were there. He had decided about a month ago, that if Sonja was going to insist on going to all these parties, especially with people he didn’t know very well, then he was going to drink. Fuck it, he was 19, you’re only young once right?

 

So, Even was perched on the arm of a couch talking to an unbelievably attractive redhead (he didn’t even know it was possible to be a ginger and also be this attractive) and the redheads girlfriend, when he spotted Sonja across the room. They had separated about thirty minutes prior, and Even was about to excuse himself from his current conversation to go chill with Sonja, when he saw who she was talking to. Mikael.

 

            Even stayed where he was and watched the two from his spot on the couch. He was barely listening to Mr. Attractive and his not as attractive girlfriend anymore. When Mikael leaned close to Sonja’s ear and said something that made her laugh, Even had seen enough. He abruptly got up from the couch and made his way across the room. Once he was next to her all he said was “Sonja.” In a curt tone. Nobody could mistake that he was angry, and he wasn’t just angry, he was fuming. All his insecurities from when he had first found out about them resurfaced, and it made him want to run, of punch someone, or both.

 

            “Hey man,” Mikael said with his hands in the air. “We were just chatting, totally innocent. I was just about to go anyway.”

 

            “I think that’s probably best.” Even said through clenched teeth. Mikael retreated into the kitchen, and Even turned to Sonja with raised eyebrows. “I’m leaving. You can stay if you want.” With that, Even turned and nearly sprinted to the door. He was half way down the street when Sonja caught up with him.

 

            “Even! Wait!” She yelled after him.

 

            “Is it too much to ask? One guy, in the whole world! Just don’t talk to one guy!” Even had turned so abruptly that Sonja nearly ran into his chest. “Look i trust you Sonja, I do. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, seeing you with him.”

 

            “I know! I’m sorry. It wasn’t on purpose! We were in a group of people at first. I didn’t even realize it was just us.” When Even didn’t say anything, she continued. “Come on Even. You know I love you. _Only_ you.” She wrapped her arms around his waist.

 

He sighed and looked down at her, then placed his chin on the top of her head and wrapped his armed around her. “Yeah, I know.”

 

***

 

Even pretended to be over the incident at the party, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He really had forgiven Sonja for her mistake, but he couldn’t stop this second raise of anger and insecurity. He thought about it so much he barely slept. Every time someone said Mikael’s name or he saw one of his posts on social media, he couldn’t help the anger that boiled his blood. He tried to ignore it. He threw himself into school, filmmaking and any other distraction he could grasp onto. Nothing seemed to distract him enough, and when Mikael started posting significantly more than normal in their russ Facebook group, Even had had enough. He commented on every post of Mikael’s with one insult or another. It was all true so why did it matter. Now everyone would know what a lying, cheating asshole Mikael really was. He deserved this, he shouldn’t get to walk around school with everyone adoring him, and his stupid hair.

 

            Then next morning Sonja woke Even up by hitting him in the face multiple times with a pillow. When he finally sat up rubbing sleep from his eye, that really should not have accumulated already considering he had only fallen asleep two hours ago, he said, “What the hell, Sonja?”

 

            “You’re asking me _what the hell_? No! What the hell, Even!? What the fuck were you thinking!?” Sonja screamed, not caring who else she woke up.

 

            “What are you talking about?” Even asked innocently.

 

            “This!” Sonja screamed again, as she threw her phone at Even.

 

            He picked it up and scrolled through the Facebook page it was opened to. “Oh, shit.” He whispered. Even read through the comments he had left that painted Mikael in a very unfavorable light, while also letting everyone know that Sonja had cheated on him, and made Even look like a crazed idiot. “It’s fine!” Even said, jumping out of bed. “I can fix this!”

 

            He sat down at his desk, logging into Facebook on his computer, and began deleting all the comments he had posted the previous afternoon. “Even,” Sonja said in a much calmer tone, a pitying tone. “It’s too late. Everyone has seen it. People were sending me screenshots, that’s how I found out about it.”

 

            Even continued deleting comments. “It’s fine Sonja, it’s gonna be fine!”

 

            Sonja placed a hand on his shoulder. “Even.” She whispered. “Even stop, look at me.”

 

            “It’s fine, Sonja. I’ll delete the comments and everyone will move on in a few days. It will be like this never even happened.”

 

            “Even have you been taking your meds?” Sonja asked in the same whispered but worried tone.

 

            That made him stop, He was angry again. Almost as angry as he had been at the party. “Yes, Sonja.” He didn’t turn to look at her. “I have been taking my meds. Everything is not always about me being bipolar!”

 

            “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. This is just so unlike you.” She backtracked.

 

            “Could you just go!? I’ll fix this, okay? I’ll fix it!”

 

So, Sonja left, and Even when back to deleting posts. With every one of his comments that he reread, he got angrier. Negative feeling swirled in the pit of his stomach, ready to burst and swallow him whole. How could he have written those things? What was he thinking? Soon he decided to go back to bed, maybe of he ignored it, everyone else would too.


	10. Eva

           Eva had just broken up with her boyfriend. To be fair, she wasn’t even sure she could call him that. They had gotten together less than two weeks ago, and she was already bored of him. His name was even boring: Jon. Who names their kid Jon? You’re just asking for them to be boring. Though, if she was being honest, every guy she had been with since Jonas was boring, because she didn’t even give them a chance. So, she mainly just hooked up now; no commitment. Her hook ups were not contained to just boys. Ever since she had made out with Vilde at the Penetrator fundraiser, a whole new world of possibilities had been opened. She liked the change. Girls were soft, and often pliant, they would go with the flow and not ask for a follow up. It was just drunken hooking up at parties after all.

 

            It was Mid-June now, school was out for the summer, and she was free to party. Noora had just moved into an apartment with William, and he liked to throw huge parties. So, Eva always had an in to the freshly graduated third-year parties. William and Noora had contemplated moving to London together, but ultimately, they had stayed because Noora had only been back in Oslo a year, and she wasn’t ready to leave again.

 

            Eva was at one of these parties, at William and Noora’s apartment, now. She was dancing with a beautiful girl, who she would probably never see again. There was a dance beat with no words playing; Eva had her hands on the girl’s hips, every so often, sliding one up her back, or to cup her boob. She spent the next half hour dancing and making out with the girl, before Noora came up behind her and covered her eyes. “Guess who.”

 

            Eva jumped, not expecting the sudden intrusion, and she turned pushing Noora back playfully. “What the hell?” She tried to pretend to be mad but she was laughing as she said it.

            Noora pulled her away from the girl and said, “Come hang out with me.”

 

            “Where’s William? You looked pretty content on his lap when I saw you last.”

 

            “I don’t know. Chris was super drunk and upset about something, so William went to sober him up.” Noora answered.

 

            They had now reached the kitchen, and Eva decided she was due for another drink. She pulled her vodka and lime soda out of the fridge, and was mixing them in a solo cup when Eskild came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, nearly causing her to spill her fresh drink. “Eskild! You almost made me spill this alcohol! Don’t you know that’s a mortal sin? We would have had to drink it off the floor with a straw.”

 

            Eskild laughed, “But you didn’t so it’s fine! Anyway, I’m glad I found you two! I was supposed to go to a Pride party with two of my friends next weekend, but they have abandoned me!”

 

            Noora shook her head at Eskild’s dramatics, “What does this have to do with us?”

 

            “You, my darlings, are going to go with me.” When Noora gave him an unimpressed look, he went on, “Don’t worry, it’s all-ages and you won’t have to worry about me getting drugged and kidnapped!”

 

            “Eskild, we were not worried about you getting kidnapped at a Pride event.” Noora responded to Eskild’s reasoning.

 

            “Fine, it’s going to be really fun and I don’t want to go alone.”

 

            “Of course we’ll come, Eskild!” Eva said loudly as she hugged him.

 

            “Ah, perfect! We must dance to celebrate!” Eskild yelled, and pulled both Noora and Eva back to the dance floor, spilling a little of Eva’s drink in the process.

 

***

 

           Saturday night rolled around and Eva, Noora and Eskild were pre-gaming at Eskild’s apartment. Eva had a good buzz going, and figured after a few shots she would be ready to go. The three were discussing whether to cab or bus to the party when Isak came into the living room, on his way to the kitchen. “Isaaaak!” Eskild called after the boy, swinging his arms as he turned to face him. “Are you sure you don’t want to come? You could meet a nice…” Eskild trailed off when he noticed the _not here_ look Isak was giving him, “…bisexual girl.”

 

            “I’m not really in the mood, Eskild.” Isak responded, and walked into the kitchen before anyone could protest.

            “You’re such a downer sometimes, Isak!” Eskild shouted into the kitchen.

 

            “I know!” Isak shouted back.

 

            The girls laughed at the exchange. “So, how is it, living with Isak?” Eva asked Eskild

 

            “Oh, It’s fine. It’s only been two weeks, not enough time to notice if he is a slob or a neat freak, like our Noora here.”

 

            In response, Noora looked up from her phone and said, “There’s a bus coming in five minutes that will get us to the party. We should leave now.”

 

***

 

            The party was in full swing when they got there. Eskild had managed to get Eva an over-18 bracelet, so her and Eskild indulged in the free shots at the door. The three made their way to the dance floor and enjoyed the party, dancing with each other. Soon, a girl across the floor caught Eva’s eye. She had dark short curly hair and dark skin. She wore a skin tight white two-piece dress with rainbow knee high stockings. She was also with a small group of friends all dancing animatedly with each other, but when her gaze landed on Eva, she slowed. The girl bit her lip and raised an eyebrow, as if to say _You interested?_ And Eva was very much interested. The girl started walking toward her, and Eva met her in the middle. The danced, bodies pressed close, to the pulsing music. The girl was slightly taller than Eva, so she had to stand on her toes to put her mouth near the girl’s ear and say, “What’s your name?”

 

             “Camilla,” She answered. “and yours?”

 

             “Eva.”

 

             “Hmm, Eva.” Camilla said, pulling her head back to look into Eva’s eyes. Eva could help but let her eyes flicker down to Camilla’s lips. They were full and round, painted with a dark purple lipstick. When she looked back up at her eye’s, Camilla’s gaze had moved to Eva’s lips, so she took that as a good signed and kissed the girl.

 

             Kissing Camilla tasted like coconut rum and sugar. Eva's hands grasped the exposed skin of her waist, while Camilla cupped her cheek with one hand, and her waist with the other. They kissed and danced, at one point Camilla twirled Eva in a circle under her arm, and they laughed and let their bodies talk for them.

 

             Eva had long lost sight of her friends, when her and Camilla left the dance floor and ventured to the bar. The music was loud and the shouted basic questions and answers to each other over the sound. They had just stepped away with their drinks when Eskild practically ran into them, “Eva we have to go!” he yelled over the music.

 

             “What? Why?”

 

             “Noora sort of, kind of, got in a fight with a guy.” He answered, with a shrug.

 

             “What!? Noora? Noora, who can’t stand violence?” She asked in disbelief.

 

             “Yes, I’ll explain later, now come on!” Eskild said as he started walking to the door.

 

              “I’ll meet you outside, okay?” She shouted after him, and assumed the wave he gave her meant he had heard. Eva then turned back to Camilla and said, “So, I guess I have to go.”

 

              “Do you think I could get your number?” Camilla asked.

 

              Eva smiled, “Yeah, yeah of course.” Camilla handed over her phone, and Eva typed her name and number into the contact page. She handed it back and said, “I’ll see you around, then?”

 

              In response, Camilla placed her hand on the side of Eva’s neck and pulled her in for one last kiss before saying, “Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

 

***

 

 

              They were half way back to Eskild’s apartment when Eva snapped out of her daze, and turned to Noora. “You got in a fight?”

 

              “What!? Is that what he told you?” Noora said, gesturing to Eskild. “I did not get in a fight.”

 

              “Oh, honey. You almost did. Your fists were raised. I was about to hold you back from jumping the guy.” He turned to Eva and said in a loud whisper, “And I don’t mean jump in a good way.”

 

              Eva laughed, “What did he do?”

 

              Noora sighed, “He was trying to dance with Eskild, and he wasn’t really feeling it, so Eskild started dancing with me instead. Then the guy starts going off about ‘straight bitches’ who are just here to find a gay best friend they can take shopping. So, I told him that he was wrong, and he shouldn’t insult people just because he got rejected. Then he called Eskild ugly and said he wouldn’t fuck him anyway, and called me a needy bitch.”

 

              Eskild chimed in, “Then our sweet little Noora nearly punched the guy. He would have deserved it too.”

 

              “Then the bouncer kicked me out because he thought I was drinking, and I have an underage bracelet on.” Noora finished.

 

               “Shit. I can’t believe I missed that.” Eva nearly shouted.

 

               “Oh Eva, I think you were having a better time with that gorgeous girl on the dance floor” Eskild teased, and Eva couldn’t help but blush.

 

***

 

              The next weekend, Eva ended up at a house party. She had been there less than an hour and had already managed to lose all four of her friends. Due to this, she was not nearly drunk enough when Chris Schistad wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Why hello there Eva. You are looking lovely tonight, as always.” He greeted.

 

            Eva was wearing light denim shorts a black tank top with a green plaid shirt tied around her waist, and one of Chris Berg’s many snapback on her head. She looked up at what she could see of the bright purple brim of the hat from where it sat on her head, “You might want to get your eye’s checked.”

 

            Chris threw his head back and laughed, “Adorable and funny. Are you trying to get into my pants?”

 

            “Go find a different drunk first-year girl, Chris. This one is not drunk enough for your lines.” Eva said as she knocked his arm off her shoulder and walked away to find more alcohol and friends.

 

            Eva succeeded in her search to find alcohol, but not her friends. Therefore, two hours later she was seated on a couch, having a very drunk conversation with a girl who would be attending her first year at Nissen in the fall. They were discussing the pros and cons of the school when Eva felt a weight on the couch next to her. She looked over to once again find Chris, with his arm around her shoulders. “Chris!” She shouted, turning away from the younger girl toward her new company. “Where did you come from?”

 

            Before he could answer, Eva’s mouth was on his, and it barely separated until the police broke up the party.

 

***

 

            It had been a couple weeks since Eva made out with Chris. Since then, she had seen him at another party, and they had briefly hooked up in the bathroom until a blond girl barged in shouting that she was going to piss herself if she didn’t get the toilet soon. Eva tried not to think about Chris. She didn’t want to admit that she was going against everything she swore she wouldn’t do since she hooked up with him at Halloween. She didn’t want to admit that it felt good, that she liked it enough not to care about the promises she made herself.

 

            It was a Thursday night, and there were no parties, that she knew of, going on. She was sitting in her bed, curled up in her duvet, watching a nature documentary narrated by David Attenborough, when her phone lit up with a text. It was from an unknown number and said:

 

            Unknown: **Hey girl! It’s Camilla, how’s your night going?**

            Eva looked at her phone for a minute before replying. She had nearly forgotten about Camilla. It had been almost three weeks since she had given the girl her number, and she hadn’t heard anything. Eva simply figured Camilla wasn’t interested in her in the sober light of day, which was fine by her; it was just a drunken night of really good kissing.

 

            Eva: **Pretty good. Not doing much. What about you?**

Unknown: **Just having a few drinks with a friend. He’s keeps pestering me about this hot girl I hooked up with a while back.**

Eva was a little confused by this statement. Not knowing what else to say, she replied with,

 

            Eva: **Is that so?**

 

            Camilla: **Yeah, he’s going on about how I obviously want to see her again. Keeps saying I should just ask her out already.**

Eva: **Okay..**

Camilla: **So Eva, do you want to go out with me this weekend?**

Before Eva could talk herself out of it she relied,

Eva: **Yes**

Eva: **What day were you thinking?**

Camilla: **Does Saturday night work for you?**

Eva: **Actually my mom is getting into town at 19:00** **L**

Camilla: **How about we do a lunch date then?**

Eva: **Sounds perfect**

For the next day and a half, Eva was giddy. Noora asked her about it but she brushed it off, saying she was just in a good mood because of the warm weather. When Saturday finally came, she got up early. She was too excited to sleep. She spent two hours picking out her outfit, and seriously considered calling Noora or Vilde to help her multiple times. However, she wasn’t quite ready to tell them about this development in her love life just yet.

 

            At noon, Eva was standing outside a small café in downtown Oslo, wearing a red sundress. Camilla arrived a couple minutes later looking absolutely beautiful. She wore a sundress as well, but hers was white at the top, fading into a royal blue. It was tight down to the smallest part of her waist, where it flared out.

 

            “Wow,” Camilla said as she approached, “You look great.”

 

            “Thanks,” Eva said nervously, “You look really nice too.” Although she thought that was a gross understatement.

 

            The two girls found a table at the café, and perused the menu. They talked about everything that came to their minds, and Eva couldn’t help but think _This is so easy_.

 

            “So, you’re a painter? That’s so cool!” Eva said to her date.

 

            “Yeah, I don’t know if I would call myself a painter. I’ve only sold a couple paintings and they didn’t go for much.” Camilla explained. “I work at a bank. That’s what puts food on the table.”

 

            “Still, it’s awesome that you’re pursuing something you love. I wish I had a passion like that.” Eva replied.

 

            “You’ll figure it out. Everyone does eventually. I just got lucky and discovered painting at a young age.”

 

            “I’d love to see your work some time.” Eva said softly.

 

            “Well, It’s Bank Norwegian. It’s actually just around the corner from here.” Camilla joked.

 

            “You know what I mean!” Eva laughed.

 

            About an hour later, the two girls were walking slowly down the city sidewalk, and Camilla turned to Eva.

 

            “Do you want to come back to my place?” She asked.

 

            “Um, I don’t know.”

 

            “Not like that. I’m just not sure I’m ready for this date to end, and I could show you some of my paintings?”

 

            “Yeah, sure!” Eva said with the excitement back in her voice.

 

Camilla lived close to where they had been walking, and soon they were in the small studio in her apartment. Eva stopped and looked at each painting. They were gorgeous. There was one, in particular, of a ballerina in a dark green outfit that she liked especially.

 

            “That’s my sister.” Camilla said quietly from across the room. “She lives in London now. Performs at the Royal Opera House.”

 

            “Wow.” Eva said breathlessly, partially about Camilla’s sister and partially about her painting.

 

She felt a hand on her waist and gasped; she hadn’t realized Camilla had come across the room. She had been to enthralled by her painting. Eva turned around, and met Camilla’s eyes. Neither of them said anything for a minute, too caught up in the moment to ruining with words. When Camilla leaned forward slightly all Eva’s nerves about coming back to her apartment vanished. She leaned into Camilla, and their lips met in the middle.

 

This kiss was different than those they had shared at the party. Those kisses had been hot and messy, and fueled by alcohol. This kiss was soft and slow. Eva placed her hand on Camilla jaw, and felt a land rest lightly on her hip. They stood in the sunlight of studio and explored each other’s lips, tentatively tracing each other with their fingertips. Eventually Camilla pulled Eva through the door of the studio, and into a bedroom. They laid on the bed, and their kisses stayed slow and steady. When Camilla slide her hand under Eva’s dress and pulled it over her head, she wasn’t surprised. She wanted this; she wanted it more than anything else in that moment; it was the only thing that existed.

 

Eva couldn’t help but stare when Camilla slide her own dress off. Her dark skin seemed perfect and smooth; Eva had to touch it just to prove herself right. She caressed the other girl down her side, brushing along silky skin, and when Camilla touched her too, she felt butterflies in her stomach and along her skin. How had she not done this before.

 

***

 

            Eva and Camilla laid in Camilla’s bed for a long time afterward, each kissing the other anywhere the lips would reach, here and there. Eva let herself caress Camilla’s skin. Her cocoa powder complexion looked beautiful and soft, illuminated by the light streaming in through the window. Eva pulled her gaze away from the beautiful creature next to her and looked at the clock on the wall.

 

            “I should go. “She whispered reluctantly. Camilla didn’t respond, but simply leaned over and kissed Eva on the lips.

***

 

            Eva and Camilla texted constantly through the next week, and they agreed to see each other that Thursday, when Eva’s mother left town again. Eva was at Noora’s apartment along with Sana, Vilda, and Chris. It was raining so they were watching a movie when she received a call from Camilla. She got up and left the room to take it.

 

            “Hello?” Eva said into the phone.

 

            “Hi, Eva.” Camilla said in a subdued tone.

 

            “Is everything okay?” Eva asked, picking up on Camilla’s less than ecstatic voice.

 

            “Um, yes. Sort of.” Camilla paused, “It’s just that, I applied for this art scholarship back in April and I kind of forgot about it, but I just hear from the school and I got it. It’s a full ride.”

 

            “Oh my god, Camilla! That’s amazing!” Eva nearly forgot about Camilla’s tone. “What’s the issue?”

 

            “Ah… It’s at the Royal College of Art… In England.”

 

            “Oh. Wow. That sounds fancy… and far.” Eva said, realizing the reason behind this call.

 

            “Yeah so, I’ll be moving their next month, and I just think maybe we should end this thing we have going now, otherwise it will just be harder to say goodbye.” Camilla explained rapidly, as if she wanted to get the words out as fast as she could.

 

            “That make’s sense.” Eva replied, in a dejected voice.

 

            “I’m really sorry it turned out this way.”

 

            “You shouldn’t be.” Eva said. “This is an amazing opportunity. I’m really happy for you.”

 

            “Thanks, Eva.”

 

            “Goodbye, Camilla.”

 

            Eva hung up and walked back to Noora’s living room. She couldn’t pay attention to the rest of the movie. After it ends, she lies about having cramps, and goes home. She lays in her bed and cries because of a different kind of pain. She didn’t even get a chance to tell the girls about Camilla, about how happy she was.

*******

            Sana was the first to notice Eva’s shift in mood in the following days. The other girls tried to tell her she was imagining things, but when Noora told Eva that her and William were hosting a party at their apartment that weekend, and Eva said she didn’t feel like going to a party, they knew something was up. They did, however, convince Eva to attend the party, telling her it would cheer her up. So, Saturday night rolled around and Eva was in Noora’s kitchen doing shots of vodka with a stranger.

 

            After three shots, she had mixed a drink, and headed out to the dance floor. She began to feel the shots just as Chris sling his arm around her waist. Eva turned and attached her lips to his immediately. They didn’t speak at all, but eventually they left the living room for the privacy of the spare bedroom. When they got there, everything was a blur to Eva. One minute Chris had his arms around her and the next she was lying on the floor with a pain in her head. She felt, more than saw, Chris help he onto the bed, and barely noticed when he left.

 

            Eva hadn’t realized she had fallen asleep until she felt Noora gently shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes and let Sana and Noora help her sit up, gratefully accepting the water and crackers offered to her. She easily fell back to sleep several minutes later despite the loud music coming from the next room.  

 

            The next morning, Eva woke up to Chris Berg jumping on the bed. Sana and Vilde were also asleep in the bed with Eva, and joined in on her complaints about being woken too early. Noora entered the room not long after that, with several classes of water and a bottle of Advil. It took a few more minutes for the girls to wake up fully, and as soon as they did they were asking Eva what was wrong.

 

            “Come on, Eva,” Vilde moaned in her high-pitched voice, “We know something happened to upset you.”

 

            “Fine!” Eva said loader than she should have, and put a hand on her forehead and groaned before continuing, “There was this girl.” She turned to Noora. “You know the one that I met at the Pride party?” Noora nodded, and Eva proceeded to tell them everything that had happened with Camilla. They had lots of questions; what was it like being with a girl? Was it different than with boys? Do you think you’ll try to meet anther girl? Are you a lesbian now?

 

            Vilde was unusually quiet for the remainder of the morning.

 

***

 

It didn’t take much longer before Eva got over Camilla. They had only gone on one date, and although Eva really liked her, there was no point dwelling on something she couldn’t have. So, Eva moved on with her life. She hooked up with Chris at nearly every party she went to, and by the end of the summer she was sleeping with him regularly. She tried to tell her self it was just sex, but part of her knew that she hadn’t felt like this in a while. She didn’t want to admit to anyone, even herself, that is was Christoffer Schistad who made her feel that way.


	11. Isak

Isak woke up the morning after he had drunkenly called Eskild, feeling like he had not had a drop of water in years. He turned over with a groan and noticed a fresh glass of water by his bed and a text message. It was from Eskild and it read: **Let me know when you wake up.** So, Isak responded with: **asdjfbahvbabv**.

 

            Eskild appeared at the bottom of the stairs several minutes later. “Come on, Baby Jesus! We are going out for breakfast, my treat!”

 

            “Uggghhhhh,” Isak groaned, “How are you so chipper this early?”

 

            “Isak, it’s 10:30. That is by no means early.” Eskild chastised. “Now get up so we can go eat!”

 

            Approximately 20 minutes later Isak was seated at a table for two with a cup of coffee, and a picture of water. Eskild had been chatting at him about meaningless things that Isak had stopped paying attention too, and hadn’t noticed that Eskild had stopped talking and was looking at him. “Hmm, what?” he said when he finally noticed Eskild’s attention.

 

            “I was just wondering who this Chris fellow is that you told me about last night?” Eskild questioned.

 

            Isak let his head drop and bang against the table. “I actually told you that? I was hoping it was just a really depressing dream.”

 

            Isak still had his forehead against the table and was making a slight groaning noise when the waitress came up to their table. “Uhh, are you okay, sir?”

 

            Isak lifted his head, “Ah, yeah, fine. Um, I’ll have the western omelet, with a side of bacon and an extra side of sausage.

 

            “The pancake and eggs special, please.” Eskild ordered. Once the waitress left Eskild picked up their previous conversation. “I’m afraid it was not a dream. If it was, you would have given me much more information, because you trust me. I am a wise older... I don’t know what word I’m looking for but it will come to me. So?”

 

            When Isak said nothing, Eskild simply raised his eyebrows. “He’s just some third-year guy from school.”

 

            “Some third-year guy that you are sleeping with.” It wasn’t a question, Eskild knew as much from the conversation the night before.

 

            “Yeah, I guess.” Isak said reluctantly.

 

            “And you like him.”

 

            Isak sighed, “I don’t know. He’s kind of a dick, but he can be really nice sometimes, too. A lot of the time we just hangout, and a few times he has even helped me with my school work, and he is always asking me to stay the night.”

 

            “Ah!” Isak jumped at Eskild sudden exclamation. “Guru!”

 

            “What?”

 

“I am your guru. That’s the word I was looking for. Your wise guru, who you tell your problems to. So, what’s the problem?” Eskild asked.

 

            Isak gave him an exasperated look but continued anyway, “Well, he kind of stopped doing all that stuff a couple weeks ago. And he’s been hooking up with tons of girls. I just don’t know what his deal is; he seemed interested, now it’s like I’m just an easy screw every now and then.” Isak took a sip of his coffee so he didn’t have to look at Eskild. “At least if he was a girl people would know that we were a thing. Maybe it wouldn’t be as easy for him to just go fuck other people.”

 

            “But you wouldn’t care then. That’s why you broke up with Sara, right?”

 

            “Yeah.” Isak turned his mug back and forth, refusing to meet Eskild’s eyes. “It’s just, you always see gay guys wearing make-up and listening to Lady Gaga. I don’t like any of that shit, I know I like guys, but I’m not like that.”

 

            “Isak, look at me.” Eskild said sternly enough to make Isak look up. “That’s not what being gay means. My last boyfriend was a mechanic. He liked to watch UFC and old Ninja movies. Come to think of it, we had absolutely nothing in common. That’s beside the point. What I’m saying is, liking boys and being flamboyant and liking all that ‘cliché gay’ stuff, doesn’t go together. All that other shit has nothing to do with who you love.” Isak swallowed hard, and nodded not trusting himself to speak. He was saved from having to by the waitress, who brought their food to the table. “Isak, I know it feels like this is the biggest thing right now. Like you are never going to be okay with it, but I promise, you will.”

 

            “You think?” Isak whispered, looking up from his food at Eskild.

 

            “I’ve been there. I know.”

 

            They ate their breakfast in content silence. Only talking about simple things here and there. While they were waiting for the bill, Isak’s phone started buzzing on the table. He looked at the screen and scrunched up his face in confusion. “What? Who is it?” Eskild asked, upon seeing his expression.

 

            “It’s Chris.” Isak responded.

 

            “Don’t answer it! Play hard-to-get!” Eskild exclaimed.

 

            “Does that even work? Come on, Eskild.” Isak asked, as if the other boy was being ridiculous, but he did as Eskild said and didn’t answer. Less than a minute after it stopped ringing, Isak got a slew of texts.

 

Chris: **Isak, can you call me when you get this.**

Chris: **Come on man, I need your help.**

 

Chris: **It’s about the Yakuza.**

 

Chris: **I think I figured out a way to get back at them.**

 

Chris: **It might be stupid, so I need your opinion. And your help to set it up.**

 

Chris: **Just come by my place sometime today. I’ll be around.**

 

            “Damn, that boy is eager.” Eskild said in response to Isak’s phone nearly vibrating off the table.

            “Nah, it’s not… It’s about something else.” Isak said with a disgruntled look on his face.

 

***

 

            Isak told Eskild that he wasn’t going to go over to Chris’s. Eskild completely supported the idea; however, Isak lived in the basement, which had its own exit, and Eskild didn’t even know that he had left.  It was night by the time Isak arrived at Chris’s house, knocking on the door, only to have it open immediately. Isak stepped back in surprise, but didn’t go inside right away. “Um, what did you want to run by me?”

 

            “Why don’t you come in?” Chris asked. Isak looked around, as if looking for an excuse not to enter the house. When he didn’t come up with a reason he simply stepped through the door instead. “So, I noticed on Facebook that Thomas, their group leader guy, and his little brother are going to be out of town next weekend. They’re the Yakuza’s biggest fighters, so I figured if we could set up a fight then, that would be perfect. We would definitely win.” Chris looked at Isak with an expression that was almost shy. Almost. “What do you think?”

 

            “Yeah. Madhi knows a couple of the Yakuza guy’s; he could help set it up.” Isak responded.

 

            “You sound surprised.” Chris countered.

 

            “No. Well, yeah. It’s a good Idea, is all. I had kind of forgotten about the Yakuza to be honest.” Isak looked around the room. Anywhere but at Chris. It wasn’t as if he was admitting his undying love for Chris, but he was a little embarrassed because the Yakuza was supposed to be what their whole relationship was based around.

 

            “Me too, actually. It just came up on Facebook, and I figured I shouldn’t pass up the opportunity.” Chris stepped toward Isak, and placed his hand on Isak’s arm. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but before he could get the words out Isak took a step back.

 

            “I should go.” Isak said, he swallowed and continued, “I’ll get Madhi to set it up.” Isak turned quickly and left Chris standing in his living room. Isak wondered around downtown Oslo for a few hours before going back to the apartment and curling into a ball under his blankets.

 

***

 

A few days later, Eskild kicked him out. It wasn’t as harsh as it sounds. They had gotten complaints from the neighbors, and Eskild just couldn’t keep him there any longer. Isak knew it wasn’t Eskild’s fault, and that he didn’t want him to go, but it didn’t make the thought of going home to his mother any less terrifying. Isak crept into the house late at night and crawled into bed. Maybe he could avoid his mother until he figured out somewhere to live. Maybe he could live with his father.

 

           

***

 

            Over the next two weeks, Isak went to every party he heard about. Even a few that he hadn’t been invited to; any excuse to get away from his house. His mother was mostly quiet these days; barely acknowledging him. When she did speak to Isak, it was always a bible quote, or a warning that they were coming. The odd time she would even mention how much her brother was disappointing her. So, Isak left whenever he had the chance. He started hooking up with girls at parties again, every time thinking it would help him forget about Chris, but it never worked. He would sneak into his own house feeling dirty, trying not to wake his mother, because she would only make him feel worse.

 

            As promised, Isak had Madhi set up the fight with the Yakuza. The plan went off without a hitch, aside from William bottling one of the Yakuza guy’s. A few hours after the fight, Isak got a call from Chris, and against his better judgment, he answered it. “Hello.” Isak said into his phone quietly.

 

            “Isak,” Chris was breathing heavily, “Can I see you?”

 

            Isak took a deep breath and closed his eyes, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

            “Please, Isak.” Chris practically whined. “I need someone to talk to.”

 

            “I’m sure there are plenty of girls willing to listen.” Isak meant for it to be harsh, but his word came out sounding more sad than anything. He hung up before Chris could respond.

 

Isak didn’t see Chris again until William’s _I might go to prison_ party. He hadn’t wanted to go, but he didn’t have a good excuse to tell Jonas that would get him out of it. In the end, it wasn’t too bad; Isak successfully avoided Chris the whole time, and Eskild told him that Noora was moving out. There was a vacant room at the collective that needed to be filled. Isak left the party in a better mood than he had felt in weeks.

 

Of course, good feelings couldn’t last forever, and Isak was sprawled out on Jonas’ couch when this mood ended. The screen on his phone lit up; the only light in the room, spelling out Chris’s name. He stared at his buzzing phone for two minutes before the light when out, and the room was silent again for a few seconds. Then the sound of a text cut through the silence. Isak stared at the flashing notification until his phone pinged again. He opened the texts from Chris.

 

Chris: Im sorry

 

Chris: please dont hate me

 

Isak just stared at the texts. It was three in the morning before he finally stopped thinking about them, and fell asleep. He didn’t text back.

 

***

 

            Isak settled into life in Noora’s old room easily. He didn’t hear from his mother other than the occasional text, but those were easy enough to ignore for now. His father had given him rent money for the next few months and Isak had not hear from him since he officially moved out of his mother’s house. So, after three weeks of radio silence, he was surprised to get a call from his father, while sitting in his bedroom watching _Musketeers_. Isak thought about not answering, but if his father was calling it must be important; it definitely wasn’t going to be a casual chat. “Hello?” Isak said into his phone.

 

            “Hi Isak, how are you?” his father asked in a pleasant tone.

 

            “Um, alright. Why are you calling?” Isak didn’t want to go through all the small talk before his father finally told him the real reason for the call.

 

            “It’s about Mamma.” He answered with a sigh. “She has been going to therapy, and her therapist wants to have a family session next week.”

 

            “Okay?” Isak replied, he didn’t like the idea of sitting in a room with both his parents, while a stranger analyzed them, but he could do it if it meant things might get better.

 

            “I’m going to be out of town for work next week. Could you go to the appointment? It’s on Wednesday.”

 

            “What?” Isak asked in disbelief. His father was doing it again. How many times could he abandon Isak?

 

            “You have barely been home in months, it’s the least you could do for your mother.” His father said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

            “No!” Isak yelled into the phone, “You don’t get to blame me! You left first! You’re supposed to take care of her! It’s not my job!” With every word, Isak felt himself getting angrier and more hysterical. “You’re a fucking hypocrite!” before his father could defend himself Isak hung up. He stared at his phone for several seconds before throwing it onto his bed violently.

 

            Isak hear a soft knock on his bedroom door, followed Eskild’s voice, “Isak? Are you okay? I hear yelling.” He asked softly.

 

            “I’m fine, Eskild!” Isak yelled, “Leave me alone!”

 

            Isak heard Eskild’s retreating footsteps. He got off his bed and started pacing his room. How could his father say that? He left. How can he blame Isak for doing the same? Angry though pound in Isak’s head, and before he can think enough to regret it, Isak is calling Chris. “Hello?” Chris answers.

 

            “Hey,” Isak says breathlessly, “Can I come over?”


	12. Chris

Chris was terrified. Everything seemed to happen so fast. One day he was hooking up with randoms at parties, and the next he was exclusively fucking Isak, and hanging out with him all the time, and helping him with his god damn homework. He finally let himself think about his feelings for the other boy, it scared the shit out of him. He hadn’t fucked someone more than once since Iben, and even then, he had slept around. When Chris realized he didn’t want to sleep with anyone other than Isak, he decided to solve that “problem” by sleeping with everyone he could pick up. Of course, that only made him feel worse, because none of them compared to Isak.

            It seemed Isak wanted nothing to do with him now. Chris had invited him over to talk about his Yakuza plan, hoping he would also stay the night. Part of him wanted to go back to the way things were when Isak would spend all day and night with Chris. Another part of him was still too scared of his own feelings to consider what that meant.

 

            After Isak left that night, Chris decided he was going to get over him for good. When the day of the Yakuza fight arrived, seeing Isak there made his heart do crazy things, but at least he had a fight to distract him, Otherwise, he might have kiss the boy in front of all these people.

 

            Seeing Isak had made it ten times harder not to think about him, especially after his fight with William that night. After the fight, they had gone back to William’s apartment to get cleaned up. They were in the kitchen when William had turned to him and nearly yelled “What the fuck were you thinking!?”

 

            “I wasn’t just going to let them get away with what they did!” Chris fired back.

 

            “Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning?” William really was yelling now. “I could have talked you out of it!”

 

            “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you!”

 

            “What if the police find out!” William countered.

 

            “Fuck, William.” Chris said in a slightly calmer voice, “It was just a high school fight the police aren’t going to care.

 

            “I hit some guy over the head with a bottle! If they find out they will care!” William was still yelling, but it was a more panicked yell now. “If you hadn’t set up this goddamned fight I would not have to worry about this. What the fuck is Noora going to say!?”

 

            “Are you seriously blaming me for that right now!?” Chris slightly raised his voice again. “I didn’t make you do that. You could have used your fists like everyone else!”

 

            “This is why I didn’t want to get back at the Yakuza to begin with. Why couldn’t you have just listened?” William questioned Chris.

 

            “Fuck you, William.” Was all Chris said in response before storming out of the apartment.

 

            He walked around downtown for about an hour before heading home. His father was in the living room when he arrived. He must have just gotten back from his business trip. Chris couldn’t keep track of when he was going to be in town anymore. Neither greeted the other, and Chris when to his room before his Father could change his mind about interacting with his son.

            Chris laid on his bed with his phone resting on his chest. After several minutes, he picked it up and hovered his finger over Isak’s name in his contact list. All Chris wanted to do was talk to him. Isak would understand. His voice alone would make Chris feel better. He close his contacts and opened his photos instead, selecting one he had taken of him an Isak last month. They were laying on Chris’s bed. The picture only showed from their bare shoulders, and up. Isak was holding the phone and smiling into it; Chris was also smiling, but he was looking at Isak Instead. Chris smiled now, remember how after Isak had taken the photo, he had turned to Chris and said, “You weren’t even looking at the camera, dumbass.”

 

            “There was something way prettier over here.” Chris had responded without thinking.

 

            “Fuck you! I’m not pretty!” Isak had countered, lightly pushing Chris away from him, to which Chris had responded by pulling Isak closer and kissing him.

 

            Thinking about Isak in his bed like that made Chris want to talk to him even more. So, he gave in and called the boy. “Hello?” Isak’s voice sounded like heaven after not hearing it for weeks.

 

            “Isak, can I see you?” Chris asked despretely.

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Isak whispered.

 

            “Please Isak, I need someone to talk to.”

 

            “I’m sure there are plenty of girls willing to listen.”

***

            Chris sulked for the next few days. He was pissed at William for blaming him about the cops finding out about the bottle and he was sad that Isak clearly hated him. Those two emotions together made Chris a shit person to be around, not that he had anyone other than Willian or Isak that he would normally hangout with anyway. However, he decided he would go to William’s party anyway, and drink until he forgot what anger and sadness were.

            For the first hour or two at the party he and William managed to be civil to each other, friendly even. Isak was there, but drank more and managed to avoid him. Chris acted annoyed when William kicked him out of the bedroom, so he could fuck Noora, but in reality, hooking up with someone else just made him think of Isak. He was trying to forget about Isak. It wasn’t working.

            Chris stayed after the party died down, to help clean up, and because his father was still in town, so he didn’t feel like going home just yet. “I think this was my best party yet.” William said as they cleared solo cups off the patio. Noora was inside cleaning the living room and had ordered the two of them to start cleaning outside.

            “Why? Because you finally got to fuck your girlfriend?” Chris asked.

            William laughed, “Well that was definitely a highlight. It was just good to let loose and not worry about all this police shit for a bit.” William paused for a moment. “Sorry about the other day. Blaming you and stuff.”

            Chris looked at William. He was surprised at the apology, William wasn’t one to back down easily. Chris was still mad, but he wanted to move past this. “It’s fine man. Let’s just forget about it.”

            William nodded, “That sounds good. Hopefully I don’t get locked up because Noora agree to move in with me.”

            “Jesus.” Chris said in surprise. “I didn’t realize you two were that serious.”

Later that night Chris was lying in bed.  Since William’s comment about moving in with Noora, he could help thinking about Isak. He was still a little drunk, so he called him; no answer. Then he texted him; no answer. _I need to forget about him_ , Chris thought.

***

Isak called him three weeks later, asking him to come over. Chris had not been doing a good job getting over him, so he jumped at the chance to see him again. Chris’s father was still home, so he went to Isak’s apartment. When he got there Isak answered the door, and immediately led him to his bedroom. Isak didn’t say anything after he closed the door. He looked at Chris, then put his hand on the back of his neck and kissed him. Chris wanted to talk. He wanted to ask him why he had changed his mind and called, but his lips felt so good, and Isak was undoing his pants. All thoughts of talk were quickly becoming irrelevant as his dick took over.

Afterwards, the two boys laid in Isak’s bed, and Chris turned to him and asked, “Why did you call me? Not that I’m complaining.”

“This was a mistake. You should leave.” Isak said without looking at him.

Chris’s heart dropped, “What?” it was barely more than a whisper. “No, can we just talk about this. I wasn’t a mistake, just talk to me.”

“No, I’m sorry. I never should have called.” Isak swung his legs over the side of the bed as he sat up, facing away from Chris. He put his face in his hands and said, “Can you please just go?”

It sounded like Isak was trying not to cry, so Chris did as he said and left, feeling worse than he had before Isak had called.

***

            Chris tried to hook up with girls, but he just seemed to think about Isak instead of them, so he tried hooking up with boys. Somehow, that was worse. When he started hooking up with Eva, he didn’t think much of it until the third or fourth time. When he was with her, he didn’t think about Isak. It seemed to be the only time he wasn’t thinking about the green-eyed boy. He basked in the feeling of being with her. The more they hooked up, the more he thought about her instead of Isak. Having sex with her was amazing. He isn’t sure that sex with a girl had ever felt as good as it did with Eva. It didn’t end there, because she was funny and imaginative and soft. Chris loved spending time with her. It was in September that he realized he had real feelings for her, and he was terrified again, but he pushed down his fear. He wasn’t going to let it ruin this like it did with Isak.


	13. Even

Even crashed again. He didn’t care that he was missing school, or that he couldn’t afford to miss time after all the school he had missed the previous semester. He laid in bed and thought about at the stupid things he had done in the past couple months. It all seemed idiotic now. Why did Sonja even put up with him anymore. She had come to see him a few times. Begged him to get up, to go to school. Told him he wouldn’t graduate if he missed his exams. It didn’t matter. School, exams, girlfriends. How could he care about any of that right now?

            A few weeks later Even was laying on the couch in his room, watching an old movie on his laptop when Sonja came in. He was doing better, but still not totally out of his depression yet. “Hey.” She said to him quietly.

            “Hi.” He answered, not looking up at her as she crossed the room.

            “What are you watching?” Sonja asked as she sat on the couch with him.

            “The Heiress.”

            “I never understood how you enjoy these black and white movies. What’s this one about?” Sonja always liked when Even told her about the movies, it was better than watching them to her, because he was so passionate about them.

            “It’s about a woman who is the heir to a large fortune, and she falls in love with a man, but everyone says he only wants her for her money. She loves him anyway and they plan to run away together.” Even explained.

            “That sounds very romantic.” Sonja said, urging him to continue.

            “He leaves her. He really did just want her money; he never loved her, and he leaves her alone and heart broken. But I suppose that’s what happens to us all in the end.” Even swallowed thickly, as he watched Catherine tell her maid to bolt the door on his laptop screen.

            Sonja turns to Even and slowly shuts his laptop. “That’s not true.” She said firmly. “I’m not going to leave you.”

            Even looks at her for a moment before speaking, “How could you still want me after everything?”

            Sonja placed her hands on Even’s cheeks and kissed his forehead. “I will want you as long as you want me.” She laid down beside even then, and held him.

            Even could tell she meant it. It didn’t scare him that she might be lying; just saying it to make him feel better. It scared him that he didn’t know what would happen if he stopped wanting her.

***

            Sonja graduated, and Even didn’t go to the ceremony because he would not be graduating alongside her. She told him it was okay. Okay that he didn’t go; okay that he didn’t graduate. He had to think about his mental health first, there was no rush. However, Even couldn’t help but resent her for saying it. How did she know it was going to be okay; she had graduated on time, she was taking a year off, getting a job. Sonja’s life was in order and Even was the only think holding her back. As much as he tried to force himself not to think that way, it was hard.

            He started looking up other schools in Oslo. Despite Sonja and his mother telling him that he should go back to Bakka because everyone will have either forgotten what happened, or graduated, Even couldn’t face everyone knowing and thinking he was crazy. Eventually he decided on Nissen, and even though no one there knew what had happened in the spring, Even was still nervous. Rumors spread fast and, Even couldn’t help but worry that everyone would know as soon as he stepped through the door. If they didn’t they would wonder why he was a year older. His fears were proven wrong on the first day of school when no one so much as looked at him. He ended up hanging out with a few guys he knew from junior high before class. They didn’t even question why he hadn’t graduated last year, so it seemed his mother was right: nobody cared.

             Even made it through the morning without incident. In fact, the morning was incredibly uneventful. He had completed the first half of most of his classes at his old school, so he wouldn’t be doing anything new for a few months. He had only gotten lost once, which he thought was rather impressive because why did this school have so many goddamn sets of stairs? He had managed to find his way to the cafeteria to buy his lunch, then out to the courtyard to eat it. He was seated at a picnic table finishing up his food when he saw him.

            He was standing across the courtyard by himself looking at his phone. His blond hair was mostly covered by a red snapback, and he wore a white t-shirt covered by a blue Adidas jacket. The boy’s eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at his phone screen, and he kicked the toe of his sneaker into the pavement. Even couldn’t help but notice that he was tall, maybe as tall as himself. But it was his face that caught Even’s attention. The boy was clearly trying to look cool and unapproachable, and Even couldn’t say it wasn’t working. The boy had a persona that screamed _leave me the fuck alone_ , but his face was pretty. It was a strange way to describe a teenage boy who was probably over 6ft tall, but it was the best adjective Even’s brain could come up with. His face was pointed and harsh looking, but his features were also delicate. Even hadn’t realized he had been staring for quite some time until to boy looked up. Even thought he had been caught until a group of boys walked past Even from behind and greeted the boy. The group then went inside the school and Even was left mesmerized. He had never seen someone and immediately wanted to know everything about them like this. He had no idea who this boy was but suddenly he wanted to. He wanted to put a name to that gorgeous face.

***

            Even saw the boy everywhere. They didn’t have any classes together so Even figured he was probably in first or second year. There wasn’t much more he could deduce on his own, especially since he had deleted all his social media accounts after the Facebook incident. However, he got lucky one day, and happened to find himself in the middle of a conversation about the boy in question. He was sitting in the cafeteria, a few weeks into the semester, chatting with a few girls from his European history class. “Did you hear about Astrid?” one of the girls, Even thinks her name is Mari, says to the group. The other girls shake their heads. “She hooked up with that cute second year guy, Isak.”

            “Was that at Anders’ party on the weekend?” Anne, another girl in the group, asks.

            “Yeah, she said he seemed really into her, but when she asked him for his number he said he wasn’t interested in anything more than a hook up and he didn’t want to exchange numbers.” Mari gossiped.

            Even wasn’t particularly interested in gossiping about peoples hook ups at parties, but he also had no idea who this Isak person was, so the question sort of just slipped out. “Who’s Isak?”

            Anne looked around the cafeteria, then back to Even, “He’s at the table by the window. The one with four boys at it. He’s the one with the grey sweater, he’s got the hood up. Don’t make it obvious that you’re looking though.”

            Even didn’t have to look to know exactly who she was taking about. He did anyway because he didn’t want anyone to know that he had been sneaking looks at the second year’s table since they sat down. “Oh, yeah I’ve seen him around.” Even said in what he hoped was a casual tone. He didn’t want to let on that he was freaking out a little because he finally knew the boy’s name. Isak. It sounded beautiful to him, and he already wanted more. What was his last name? What was his favorite music? What would it feel like to run his fingers thought Isak’s hair?

            “I heard he’s a total player.” Another girl in the group said. “My friend said he spent the whole summer hooking up at parties, but he _is_ friends with Chris Schistad, so I’m not surprised.”

            “You mean Penetrator Chris?” Mari asked. “The one who cheated on Iben?”

            “Yeah,” The girl clarified. “I guess they teamed up to take down the Yakuza Boys last year, but Solvieg says they hang out all the time.”

            Even had heard about the infamous Penetrators. Somehow the image of Isak that these girls had didn’t fit with the boy he had seen for the past few weeks. He had never seen Isak flirt with girls at school. When he did see him talking to girls, Isak looked disinterested at best. He mostly saw Isak with his friends, but even then, he looked lonely. A whole new air of mystery had just been added to this boy that Even couldn’t get out of his head, and now he was even more curious than ever.


	14. Eva

Eva was sitting on a bench in the school courtyard with Vilde, Noora, and Sana. Sana had just asked Noora about William. “Things are good.” She said, “He got a job with his dad’s company in their Oslo office. He works a lot, but other than that it’s good.” She frowned as she finished her sentence. Eva was about to ask her about it when Noora abruptly turned to her. “But me and William are old news. I want to know what’s going on with Eva and Chris.” Noora gave her a pointed look.

            “Nothing is going on with me and Chris.” She said a little too quickly, “We just hook up every now and then.”

            “Uh huh.” Was all Sana said.

            Noora was a little more vocal. “And you have _just_ been hooking up since July?”

            “Okay, you know what I mean.” Eva said, blushing a little.

            “So, you are sleeping with him then?” Noora questioned

            “No, Noora, we like to get together and play Monopoly.” Eva said with a sarcastic tilt of her head, “Of course we’re sleeping together. Neither of us think sex has to be a big deal. You can just do it to feel good; it doesn’t have to have a deeper meaning than that.”

            “Okay, but be careful. The whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing rarely ends without someone getting hurt.” Noora warned

            Eva was saved from responding by Chris Berg running toward the group. She skidded to a stop next to Sana, and practically yelled, “Guess who got us invites to Eirik Fredriksen’s party this weekend!”

            Vilde, who had previously been having an intense staring contest with her granola bar, looked up at Chris excitedly. “What? No way!? How did you manage that?”

            I just told him I had four hot female friends and we would bring ourselves and our cleavage.” Chris shrugged. “He seemed pretty into that.”

            “Oh my god, Chris!” Vilde shrieked. “This is so perfect! Eirik’s friend, Johan, is so hot.”

            “Is he the one with the glasses?” Eva asked.

            “No that’s Tommy. Johan is the one with the light brown hair. He’s really tall?” Vilde responded.

            “Oh yeah, he is really cute. You should definitely go for him.” Eva encouraged her.

            Vilde seemed surprised at Eva’s encouragement, “Uh, yeah.” She said with less confidence than her previous statements. “I will.”

***

            The school week passed, and Saturday night arrived. The girls had pre-drinks at Noora and William’s apartment, and Eva was texting Chris the whole time. She was trying to get him to meet her at the party, but he insisted that he had better things to do than go to a high school party. By the time they arrived at the actual party Eva was drunk, disappointed, and had told Chris she would find someone else to hook up with. Eva intended to make good on the latter, so as soon as she had a drink she started looking for a hook up. She spotted Isak and Jonas in the corner of the room looking rather stoned, so she turned on her heels to avoid dealing with that tonight. This decision brought Vilde into her line of view. She was talking to Johan; the boy Eva had encouraged her to go for. She felt strange looking at this scene and she wasn’t sure why. Was it jealousy? She didn’t like Vilde that way. Sure, Eva was bisexual, but Vilde was her friend. You could make out with someone and still just be their friend. Maybe it was the way Vilde looked like she was pretending? Johan must have told a joke, because Vilde started to laugh, but Eva knew Vilde. She knew that she wasn’t laughing for real; she was laughing to make Johan feel good. To get in his pants, and maybe that was what Vilde wanted, but Eva didn’t think so, and she couldn’t pinpoint why.

 

            Eva decided she couldn’t stand there and watch Vilde fake her way to this boy’s bed. She walked up to Vilde, and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. “Hey, none of the boy’s here are cute enough.”

 

            “Oh!” Vilde said in surprise, “Hi Eva.”

 

            “Vilde! I can’t kiss any of these boys!” although it had not been her plan, Eva leaned in and kissed Vilde. It wasn’t the first time they had done it, and she was drunk now just like every other time. It felt just as good now as ever. Eva vaguely noticed that Johan had left, and that her and Vilde had made their way to a wall. Vilde had her back to it, while Eva continued to kiss her. She noticed that Vilde was much more passive that normal. She was letting Eva kiss her, but her hands didn’t leave her sides. Before Eva could think about what that meant she felt a tap one her shoulder. She detached her lips from Vilde, and turned, “Chris!” she exclaimed as she threw her arms around him. “You came!”

 

            Chris laughed, “Well, it sounded like you were having no fun without me. Although, now I think you were lying.” Chris said giving Vilde a smirk that Eva didn’t notice.

 

            “Pshhh. I would not lie about that. I don’t want to kiss any of these boys!” Eva said, noticing Vilde slip away out of the corner of her eye. She forgot about Vilde when Chris spoke again.

 

            “Well, you seemed to have found a solution.” He said with a playful smirk.

 

            “Shut up.” Eva answered before pushing him up against the wall and putting her lips on his.

 

***

Eva woke up in Chris’s bed in nothing but her underwear. She got up and walked into the bathroom, splashed some water on her face, and filled the glass by the sink. She drank two full glasses before going back to Chris’s bed and checking her phone. She had a text from Vilde:

 

Vilde: **Hey, hope you’re not too hung over. The girls are thinking about going out for breakfast if you want to come. Text me when you wake up.**

Eva: **I in. Where are we going for breakfast?**

Vilde: **Meet us at Smitty’s in 20 min?**

Eva: **Okay, see you there**

Eva began to collect her clothes off the floor and put them back on. Chris turned over on his bed and looked at her. “Hey.” He said.

 

            “Morning.” She greeted. “Do you have a shirt I can borrow. Mine smells like vodka.”

 

            “You don’t need a shirt to get back in bed with me.” Chris replied

 

            “No, but I do need a shirt to go out for breakfast.”

 

            “No, just stay with me instead.” Chris said in his still sleepy voice.

 

            “I already told the girls I would be there. Plus, I ditched them last night for you, so it would just be rude to do it again.” Eva insisted.

 

            “Ugh, fine.” Chris flopped back on the bed, “I’ll just stay here; all alone!”

 

            Eva laughed, “You are so dramatic.” She pulled a t-shirt out of his drawer, put it on, and walked over to him. She leaned over Chris and kissed him slowly. “How about I come back tonight, and we go again?”

 

            “Sounds good.” Chris replied, leaning up to give her another long kiss. Before he could Eva pulled away, and sauntered out the door, shouting a _goodbye_ over her shoulder.

***

Eva arrived at the restaurant 25 minutes later. The girls already had a table when she arrived. As soon as she sat down Chris noticed her outfit. “Ohh, someone is doing the walk of shame!” She said. Sana and Noora both gave her a knowing smirk, while Vilde took a drink of her water, seemingly avoiding Eva’s glance.

 

            “Whatever guys” She said, slightly embarrassed. “Noora does it every day.”

 

            The girls laughed, and Noora gave a pretend offended look to Eva, “Excuse me! I am in a committed relationship with William.”

 

            “Whatever you have to tell yourself.” Eva replied jokingly. The meal continued on a light note, everyone enjoying themselves even if some of them were hung over.

Afterwards, the girls all headed to Eva’s house to hangout, and so she could change her clothes. By mid-afternoon it was just her and Vilde left at Eva’s place; both girls were lying on Eva’s bed.  “Eva.” Vilde said as she sat up.

 

Something in Vilde’s tone made Eva do the same. “What?”

 

Vilde looked at her hands, and then breathed out deeply as if building up her resolve. “I think we should stop making out when we’re drunk.” She said quickly.

 

Eva was taken aback. That was not what she was expecting, “Oh, why?”

 

“Uh… I” Vilde cleared her throat and opened her mouth as if to say something before shutting it again.

 

Eva swallowed and said, “Is it because I’m bisexual?” Vilde looked up at her in surprise, so Eva continued, “I mean, I have feelings for girls, so I could have them for you, and you’re straight, so…”

 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah that’s why.” Vilde said as if she was trying to convince Eva as well as herself.

 

“Then we’ll stop.” Eva said invoice that said she was totally fine with it, but she felt her throat tighten and her chest squeeze. For some reason, this was not alright to Eva.

 

***

            A few weeks later, Eva found herself in her house, drunk, and surrounded by everyone she knew at Nissen, and some people that she didn’t. She had been texting Chris asking him to come to the party; it was at her house after all, they could fuck wherever they wanted and he could stay the night. However, he had stopped answering her about an hour ago, and she had given up on him showing up ten minutes ago.

 

            She was leaning against the kitchen counter with a vodka seven*. There were two first year girls sitting at the table gossiping about boys from another school, and Eva was starting to understand Vilde’s irritation with first year students. Or maybe she was just in a bad mood because Chris was ignoring her. She hadn’t wanted to get attached; they had started out as just a hook up, but it had turned into something more in the past two months that neither of them seemed to want to acknowledge.

 

            Eva was mulling over these thoughts about her feeling for Chris, and when it had gone from physical attraction to an actual desire to spend time with him, when Jonas came into the kitchen. He opened the fridge, pulled out a beer and looked at her as he cracked it opened. “Hey.” He greeted.

 

            “Hey.” Eva replied with a smile.

            “What are you doing, sulking in here?” Jonas asked. “This is your party! You should be out there having fun.”

 

            “Yeah, I guess all the people I want to be out there with don’t want to be there with me.”

 

            “What!?” Jonas exclaimed in a drunken voice. “Who wouldn’t want to be out there dancing with you? Those people don’t appreciate what they’ve got.” In almost a whisper he continued, “I know I didn’t.”

 

            Eva looked at him for a moment, considering his serious (yet drunk) expression. The alcohol in her system was making her read into this too much the rational part of her brain decided. However, that part of her brain had been cornered in the back of her mind and for all its shouting it could not stop the smile and blush that took over Eva’s face. “Well, neither of us really knew what we had until it was gone.”

 

            Jonas continued to look at her, his face a mixture of lust and seriousness. He stepped closer, and Eva did the same. Jonas lifted his arm and gently brushed his fingers from her shoulder down her arm. Eva closed her eyes and breather out. When she opened her eyes Jonas’ face was close to hers. She looked him in the eye, and leaned in, closing the space between there lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Canadian so I don't know of other people/countries use these.  
> *Two four: 24 pack of beer  
> *Vodka seven: vodka mixed with seven up


	15. Isak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know it's been forever and I am the worst. Life gets busy sometimes. I am going to try to start updating regularly again. I promise, I fully intent to finish this fic no matter how long it takes. Hang in there friends!

 

Oct. 02/16

Mamma:

**The body that is sown is PERISHABLE, it is raised imperishable! it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory! it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power! it is sown a natural body, IT IS RAISED A SPIRITUAL BODY**

 

            Isak ran a hand over his face; he couldn’t deal with his mother right now. Nancy sent him regular updates so he would know how she was doing. Apparently, it had been a bad week; that was also made obvious by the increased number of bible quotes in his inbox. Isak was deep in thought about his family life, or lack thereof, when his bedroom door swung open startling him. “Dude, chill out.” Jonas said, noticing Isak nearly jump off his bed in fright, “What’s got you so jumpy.”

 

            “Uh, nothing. I was just thinking.” Isak said dismissively. When Jonas simply raised his eyebrows questioningly Isak continued. “Mamma is having a bad week. She’s been texting a lot.”

 

            Jonas sat on the bed next to Isak and handed him a can from the two four* that Isak had not noticed he was holding. “Well good thing I brought lots of beer and we have Eva’s party to take your mind off it. It’s gonna be lit!”

 

            Just as Isak cracked open the can his phone started to buzz. He looked down at it. _Calling: Pappa_ it read. Isak took a drink and ignored the call, only to receive a text a minute later.

 

Pappa: **Isak can you please answer your phone I have been trying to get a hold of you all week!**

            Isak looked at the text, and put his phone on the bed without replying. He took a deep calming breath as Jonas asked, “Hey man, are you sure you’re okay?”

 

Isak put his hand over his face and groaned. “It’s just family stuff. Mamma hasn’t been doing well, and Pappa is driving me crazy. It’s like he thinks Mamma is my responsibility. Like just because he left, she’s not his problem anymore. I can’t handle him.”

 

            “I think a party is just what you need to take your mind off things.” Jonas declared.

 

            Isak didn’t know if he was convinced, “Maybe, but can we just take it chill tonight. I’m not in the mood to impress girls.”

 

            “It’ll be a boy’s night then. Madhi says he got a shit ton of week last night so we can sneak up to the bathroom, get stoned, and just chill.”

 

            “Now that sounds like exactly what need.”

 

***

 

 

True to his word, once they arrived at Eva’s house they found the boys and Jonas lead them to the upstairs bathroom, which was soon filled with the pleasant, or repulsive, aroma of marijuana, depending on who you ask. After about an hour, a blond girl burst into the room to pee, and the boys filed out and down the stairs to join the party. Jonas disappeared into the kitchen to top up on liquor and Madhi and Magnus had found a group of girls to flirt with. Isak stood to the side of the group, not even bothering to try and look interested. He scanned the room, barely taking in the sight of drunk mingling teens, until he caught sight of Chris. He was facing away from Isak, looking into the kitchen. Isak stared at him, wondering what was so interesting about in the kitchen, when Chris suddenly whirled around and stormed off into the crowd, looking furious.

 

Isak quickly lost sight of him and turned back to the group of girls he was meant to be flirting with. Isak desperately tried to will his clouded mind to think of a way to remove himself from the group without anyone noticing, when a very tall blond boy knocked into the girl standing next to Isak. The boy, who Isak noted was possible the most attractive person he has seen at this party, steadied the girl and apologized. Isak didn’t pay attention to his words, but he seemed to charm the girl into a deep blush. Suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly, Isak was just stoned), the tall beautiful boy was waving his hand in front of Isak.

 

“I didn’t knock your drink, did I?” the boy repeated.

 

“Oh! No, no. All good here.” Isak said, raising his can, as if to prove that it was un-spilt.

 

The boy smiled and replied, “Good! I’m –“

 

“ISAK!” a familiar voice yelled from behind him before the boy could finish his introduction. “I’ve been looking all over for you!” Chris yelled over the music.

 

Isak turned to face him, “What? What are you doing here, Chris?”

 

“I’m here to see you, obviously. Why else would I be at a high school party?” He questioned.

 

“Well, this _is_ Eva’s house.” Isak replied with raised eyebrows.

 

“Exactly, I came to Eva’s house to see you. You two are friends; I figured you would be at her party.” Chris said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Isak turned aground, remembering that he had been speaking to an incredibly attractive boy only minutes before. But the boy had settled into the group of girls and was now in deep conversation with them.

 

Chris leaned close to Isak’s ear and whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”

 

Isak turned back to the boy one last time. He wondered what it was about him that made Isak want to stay and find out his name, before following Chris outside and pushing all thoughts of the blond boy from his mind.


	16. Chris

Chris and Isak end up in Chris’s bed. They were currently both on their backs, staring at the ceiling like something out of a sit-com sex scene. Chris rolled onto his side and looked at Isak. The other boy was still breathing a little deeper than normal, recovering from their actions. “I missed you.” Chris said, breaking the silence.

“What are we doing, Chris?” Isak asked in return.

 

“What we want.” Chris responded in a voice that was much quitter and less confident than he would have liked.

 

“We can’t keep this up.” Isak whispered, still looking at the ceiling instead of Chris. “I’m just your side piece.”

 

 _That’s not true!_ Chris’s mind screamed, but instead, the words that came out were, “Just stay the night. Like you used to. Just one night.”

 

Isak finally rolled over and met Chris’s eyes with his own. “Okay.”

 

***

When Chris woke up the next morning, it was to an empty bed.

 

***

A days weeks later, Chris was sitting in his living room alone. He scrolled through his text conversation with Isak. Since the night of Eva’s party, they had been texting regularly, but Isak only said enough to keep the conversation going. It wasn’t like before, when they could talk for hours. He was getting frustrated looking at Isak’s one word answers, so he moved to Eva’s text thread and typed out: **Hey, wanna hang tonight ;)**

A few minutes later he received a reply: **Sorry, cant. Chillin with Jonas**

Chris felt his chest tighten as he read Jonas’ name. He began to write several differnet replies before erasing each one.

 

_Not trying to replace me are you_

_Cool have fun_

_L_

_Didn’t know you guys still hung out_

He finally settled on **okay** and immediately closed the chat. He pulled up Isak’s thread, and without thinking sent him a message.

 

**Hey, want to come over?**

 

I felt like an eternity before his phone finally lit up with a text.

 

            **Okay, on my way**

*******

            When Chris opened the door for Isak and stepped back to let him in, he could tell Isak was regretting his decision to come, but the boy crossed the threshold anyway. Before Chris could get out a proper greeting, Isak spoke up.  “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

 

            Chris froze in the center of the living room and tuned to look at Isak, “What?”

 

            “it’s not a good idea. You have other people you want to be with, and… and we should just stop.”

 

            “No, no. Why don’t you take you shoes off? Come sit down and we can talk about this.” Chris said in a desperate rush.

 

            “No Chris, if I get comfortable I’ll stay and we’ll have sex and I’ll hate myself for it later.” Isak replied almost angrily.

 

            “I can do better Isak, I can. I just got you back. You don’t have to do this.”

 

            “Yes, I do! It’s over, Chris.” Isak turned toward the front door. As he began to turn the knob, Chris felt his heart beating faster, and he ran toward Isak, turning the other boy to face him, before he could even think about what he was doing.

 

            “Don’t go, Isak.” He pleaded, “I love you.”

 

            Chris was breathing heavy. He was shocked at his own words. I wasn’t the first time he had though it, but he never intended to tell Isak so soon.

 

            Isak looked like a deer in the headlights until he finally whispered, “I don’t love you back.”

 

            “Don’t say that.’ Chris pleaded in a low voice.

 

            “Why not?” Isak responded, his voice raising to a normal volume. “Do you tell all the girls you fuck that you love them when they get tired of your shit?”

 

            “Isak, I don’t – I’ve never told anyone that.” Chris was still whispering, but Isak began to yell.

 

            “How do you expect me to love you back? You made me feel like it was okay! To like you! Or any boy, and then you hooked up with every girl you know and made sure I knew about it!

 

            “No, Isak, please. I was just scared. I’ve never felt this was before!” Chris was raising his voice now too, out of desperation.

 

            “Neither had I, but you fucked it up!” Isak yelled.

 

            “We can work this out, Isak. Just calm down.”

 

            “No, Chris, FUCK YOU.” Isak pushed Chris back so he was no longer touching him. “We’re done.”

 

            Isak stormed out of the house, not even bothering to close the door. Chris was left to stare at the space Isak had just occupied, until he started to get cold and had to move to shut the door.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at gotyourbackbabe.tumblr.com, come say hi!!


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